JUST ANOTHER SITCOM-
E-MAIL MY VALENTINE
SEASON 1
EPISODE 2
By Aeris Love Gainsborough
*****
CLOUD- Cloud writes restaurant reviews for magazines across the city. He's dating Aeris. He's a nice guy.
AERIS- Aeris is in training to be a hair stylist for the movies, and is dating Cloud. She's kind and sweet.
TIFA- Tifa sometimes bartends at her bar, 7th Heaven, but only when she feels like it. She's nice, but slightly spoiled.
YUFFIE- Yuffie arranges flowers at Wall Market Florists, and shares an apartment with Tifa and Aeris.
VINCENT- Vincent writes movie screenplays, but so far hasn't written anything popular. He's dating Yuffie.
RENO- Reno is an unsuccessful actor, who cares about only two things: himself, and women!
ELENA- Elena is one of Reno's best friends, and a successful talent agent, Reno's agent.
*****
*SCENE I*
(Tifa is typing away, bored, on a laptop computer, by herself, in the girls' apartment.)
TIFA: Name/Age/Sex/Location?? (Starts typing in.) TifaBabe... 20... F... Midgar. (Receives a response.) Bust size?? Who is this guy??
(Audience laughs.)
(Aeris opens the door, and walks into the room carrying a large bouquet of flowers.)
TIFA: Whoa! Where'd THAT come from??
AERIS: Isn't it something?? Cloud left it at the salon for me, and I had no idea, until I saw it sitting there, with AERIS on the front of the card! And on the card, it says: "A valentine for the most beautiful girl to grace the planet! Love, Cloud Strife!"
TIFA: Well, I guess he hasn't seen you at 8 o'clock in the morning.
(Audience chuckles, and Aeris glares at her.)
AERIS: Anyway, don't you think it's sweet?
TIFA: (A little sadly.) Yeah...
(Aeris frowns, puts the bouquet away, and kneels down next to Tifa.)
AERIS: What's wrong, Tiff?
TIFA: (Looking down sadly.) Nothing much... It's just that... Well, I spend every Valentines' Day by myself...
(Audience goes "Awww...")
AERIS: (Comforting.) Oh, Tifa... You know, there still are two days left until Valentines' Day...
TIFA: Yeah, so?
AERIS: I bet you anything you'll find someone by then... (She smiles.) Sorry I can't be much of a help.
(The doorbell rings, and Aeris cheerfully rushes to answer it. She opens the door, and of course, Cloud is standing there.)
(Audience cheers and applauds.)
CLOUD: Hi, sweetie... (He leans in and kisses Aeris. Tifa watches with jealousy.) Ready to go?
AERIS: Yep! Tifa, we're just going to see a movie, ok?
TIFA: (Downhearted.) Sure. Ok. Great. Tifa doesn't mind. Just leave Tifa alone, by herself, as usual. Tifa won't mind. The couch will keep me company.
(Audience laughs.)
AERIS: (Frowning, worried.) Tifa... Are you sure you'll be ok?
TIFA: (Sighing.) Yeah, I'll be just fine.
AERIS: Ok. See ya. (Aeris closes the door.)
TIFA: Back to good old chat buddies. Where were we... Bust size. (Starts typing.) Does... It... Matter? (Receives a response.) Yes?? Who is this guy??
(Audience laughs.)
*SCENE II*
*TWO HOURS LATER*
(Tifa is sitting really close to the laptop, typing away excitedly.)
TIFA: (Typing.) I... Can't... Wait... To... Meet... You... (She pauses.) You... Sound... Just... Like... My... Kind... Of... Guy! (Stops typing, and waits for a reply. She picks up her mug of coffee, and takes a sip from it.) Wow...
(Yuffie bounces through the front door, slamming it behind her. Tifa jumps in her seat, startled, and the audience chuckles.)
YUFFIE: (Extremely perky.) Hello, Tifa!
TIFA: (With raised eyebrows.) Hi, Yuffie.
YUFFIE: Vincent sent me this huuuuge box of chocolates!!
TIFA: Oh, really? I could use a snack!
YUFFIE: (In a faked selfish voice.) Uh... The chocolates are for me, Tifa...
TIFA: God, you won't even let me have one??
YUFFIE: (Slightly embarassed.) Well, uh, I would, but... I ate 'em all... I was just so happy.
(Audience chuckles.)
TIFA: Take my advice, sugar. Starve yourself for the rest of the week.
(Audience laughs.)
YUFFIE: So, what are you doing?
TIFA: I'm just talking to the guy of my dreams.
(Yuffie frowns, glances around the room, then back at Tifa.)
YUFFIE: (In a slow voice.) Tifa, I think you've had too much co-ffee. There is no maaaan in this rooooom. I want you to put the mug dooooown...
(Audience laughs.)
TIFA: No, no! I mean on the Internet! This guy is perfect for me!
YUFFIE: (Gasps.) You met a guy who doesn't care how much you weigh, or what you look like?
TIFA: After rejecting a couple of guys who asked me about my bust size, I met a man who began a philosophical discussion about my all time favorite subject.
YUFFIE: Uhhh... Other peoples' love lives?
(Audience chuckles.)
TIFA: No, Ranma 1/2!!
(Audience laughs.)
(Yuffie raises her eyebrows and nods.)
YUFFIE: Wow- a guy like that is hard to find. Who was his favorite character?
TIFA: Get this- the guy liked Shampoo!
YUFFIE: (Frowning.) I like Shampoo...
(Audience laughs.)
TIFA: Well, he's coming to see me toooonight!
YUFFIE: (Gasps.) I have to get my hair done! I need new clothes! Oh my god! MANICURE! PEDICURE! Complete and total makeover! The man of Tifa's dreams is coming over... Oh my god! (She rushes off.)
(Audience laughs and applauds. Tifa frowns to herself, and goes on typing.)
*SCENE III*
(Aeris and Cloud are sitting next to each other at the movies.)
CLOUD: You ok, sweetie? You seem a little distant.
AERIS: I just feel a little sad for Tifa, I guess. She's lonely. She keeps getting sad whenever romance is mentioned, or anything like it.
CLOUD: That's very sweet of you, honey.
AERIS: Yeah, poor Tifa...
CLOUD: She'll find someone, sweetie. I know lots of guys who would do anything to go out with her.
AERIS: Really? Then why don't they ask her?
CLOUD: Too shy, maybe... Too arrogant... Don't ask me. But you know what? I know lots of guys who would do anything to take my place.
AERIS: (Surprised.) Really?
CLOUD: (Leaning in to kiss her.) Really. (The two of them kiss.)
*SCENE IV*
*8 PM THAT NIGHT*
(Tifa is dressed in a tight, slinky blue dress. The doorbell rings. Tifa nervously answers it, expecting her dream man. Yuffie, dressed in a tight, sparkling red cocktail dress, having had a complete makeover, and looking gorgeous, walks into the room. The audience applauds.)
TIFA: What are you doing, trying to steal my guy?
(Audience chuckles.)
YUFFIE: This is the first time any of my friends tries to meet someone they met on the Internet! I have to make a good impression on your date!
TIFA: Uh HUH.
(The doorbell rings, and Tifa walks over to answer it. She opens the door, and standing behind it is the handsome Rude, dressed in a neat blue suit.)
TIFA: (Surprised he's so good-looking.) You're Rude?
RUDE: You're Tifa?
YUFFIE: And I'm Yuffie!
(The audience chuckles. Rude and Tifa are so wrapped up in each other, talking to each other, and Yuffie speaks over their conversation, they ignore Yuffie. She shrugs.)
YUFFIE: You know... Since I got this whole makeover and everything... Maybe I'll go and pay Vincent a little surprise visit!
(She leaves the apartment, and Tifa and Rude don't even notice.)
*SCENE V*
(Once again, the girls' apartment. Aeris, Yuffie and Tifa are talking excitedly. It's Valentines' night. Yuffie is dressed in another new outfit, a white swirly silk dress. Aeris is wearing a beautiful strapless lavender satin dress. Tifa is wearing a red cocktail dress.)
YUFFIE: He's taking me out to dinner at the classiest restaurant in Midgar! Can you believe it?? Then we're going for a night of dancing!
AERIS: Well, Cloud told me to meet him at his apartment, and wear an outfit that I can easily slip out of! (She giggles.)
(Audience oohs and aahs.)
TIFA: Well, Rude and I are going to take a romantic midnight cruise!! It's going to be so wonderful!!
(The doorbell rings.)
AERIS: That's gotta be Cloud!
TIFA: No way, it's Rude.
YUFFIE: I'M COMING, VINNIE!
(Audience laughs.)
AERIS AND TIFA: *Vinnie*??
YUFFIE: Ok, look, whoever it is, we have to wish each other a happy Valentines' Day. One... Two... Three...
AERIS, TIFA AND YUFFIE: HAPPY VALENTINES' DAY!!!
(The credits start rolling, and the audience applauds.)
THE END