JUST ANOTHER SITCOM-
A NIGHT AT THE THEATER
SEASON 1
EPISODE 5
By Aeris Love Gainsborough
*****
THE CHARACTERS
CLOUD- Cloud writes restaurant reviews for magazines across the city. He's dating Aeris. He's a very good-looking, nice guy.
AERIS- Aeris is in training to be a hair stylist for the movies, and is dating Cloud. She's kind and sweet.
TIFA- Tifa sometimes bartends at her bar, 7th Heaven, but only when she feels like it. She's nice, and writes short stories for a hobby. She has the worst love life ever, despite being very attractive.
YUFFIE- Yuffie arranges flowers at Wall Market Florists, and shares an apartment with Tifa and Aeris. Her father spoils her, so she spends all her time buying expensive outfits and getting her hair done.
VINCENT- Vincent writes movie screenplays, but so far hasn't written anything popular.
RENO- Reno is an unsuccessful actor, who cares about only two things: himself, and women!
ELENA- Elena is one of Reno's best friends, and a successful talent agent, Reno's agent.
RUFUS- He owns a huge corporation that makes all kinds of products, named Shinra Works.
SCARLET- Scarlet is the vice-president of Shinra Works.
*****
EXT. stands for "EXTERIOR" INT. stands for "INTERIOR" (Oooh, I'm practicing using real screenwriter terms!! =P)
*****
ACT I
*SCENE I*
INT. COFFEE HOUSE-- AFTERNOON
(Cloud and Aeris are sitting at a little coffee table, sipping cappucinos.)
CLOUD: You look beautiful, sweetheart.
AERIS: Really? Thanks, sweetie, you look gorgeous, too.
CLOUD: You're just saying that!
AERIS: (Grinning.) Would I do a thing like that? (They lean over and kiss each other.)
CLOUD: Well, you'll never guess what I got us.
AERIS: What?
CLOUD: Well... Ok, it's two tickets to this new murder mystery that's playing at the Midgar Theater!
AERIS: (Excited.) Really?? Oh, honey, that fabulous!
CLOUD: It's tonight! Dress formal!
AERIS: I'd better go get ready!
CLOUD: (Laughing.) Ok, honey. I'll pick you up at seven. (They kiss, and Aeris runs out.)
*SCENE II*
INT. THE GIRLS' APARTMENT LIVING ROOM-- AFTERNOON
(The room is dark, and filled with candles. Yuffie is sitting in the middle of the candles, chanting, and dressed in silky loose fabrics. Tifa is on the couch, reading a magazine. Aeris walks in, and gasps.)
AERIS: (Surprised.) Yuffie??
YUFFIE: (Chanting.) I sense another being in the force of this room...
AERIS: Yuffie, what ARE you doing??
TIFA: She thinks she's a psychic. She's been doing this all day.
YUFFIE: I sense you... And Cloud... Tonight in the darkness...
AERIS: We're going to the theater.
YUFFIE: The darkness of the theater...
AERIS: Yuffie, what IS this?
YUFFIE: (Stops chanting. Excited.) I think I can tell the future, Aeris!
AERIS: What makes you think that?
YUFFIE: Well, I was watching TV today... And I said to myself: "I bet they'll show "Wheel of Fortune" next!" And I was right!!
AERIS: That's it? Well...
TIFA: It helped that she had the TV guide right in front of her.
YUFFIE: No, no, no! Then, I said to myself... "The phone is going to ring!" And a couple of seconds later, it did!!
AERIS: Really? Now that's a little weirder...
YUFFIE: Yeah! So I went out, and got some candles, this neat outfit, tarot cards, a crystal ball, an ouija board, books on palm-reading, books on horoscopes, books on telepathy...
AERIS: Whoa, Yuff, how much did this all cost you??
YUFFIE: I charged it to my dad's VISA card.
TIFA: As usual...
AERIS: (Walking into her room.) Well, I have to get ready.
YUFFIE: Ooh, can I read your palm first, please, please, please?
TIFA: She did mine. Two marriages, one divorce, three kids, a long lifeline. She's actually pretty good.
AERIS: Well... Sure, why not? (She walks over to Yuffie, and sits down beside her.)
YUFFIE: (Grabs Aeris' hand.) Ok... I see a normal lifeline... Ooh, a long, long love line... Ooh, look, right here is a wedding!
AERIS: A wedding?? To who??
YUFFIE: (Annoyed.) I don't know, I can't tell that. You have a long heart line... And lots of luck lines... No children lines...
AERIS: (Laughing.) Ok, ok. I have to go, though, Yuffie. I need to get ready, Cloud's picking me up at seven.
YUFFIE: (Going back to chanting.) I see Tifa... With a tall muscle-man...
TIFA: Hah!
AERIS: (Walking back to her room.) Yeah, yeah, yeah...
*SCENE III*
INT. THEATER-- EVENING
(Cloud and Aeris are sitting besides each other at the theater, waiting for the play to begin.)
AERIS: So what's this play about, sweetie?
CLOUD: Well, it's about this guy who gets murdered, and nobody knows who could have done it.
AERIS: I figured that much... Is that all you know?
CLOUD: That's all I know!
AERIS: Well, it sounds great. (Grins, and kisses him.)
CLOUD: Look, it's starting.
(The curtain opens, and Reno is standing on the stage.)
AERIS: What's he doing there??
CLOUD: Didn't I tell you he stars in this?
AERIS: Really? Cool!
(They watch the stage.)
RENO: (Exaggerated acting.) HOOOOOOOW could they blame ME for the murder? I had NOTHING to do with it! BUT my FIIIIIIINGERPRINTS were on the knife... BUT it WASN'T me! It WASN'T me!
(Cloud and Aeris glance at each other, and shrug.)
*SCENE IV*
INT. THEATER-- AN HOUR LATER
(Cloud and Aeris have stopped watching the play, and are kissing each other. They stop for a second.)
CLOUD: What's going on in the play?
AERIS: You're asking me? I lost the plot after the first scene. Someone much more interesting was sitting right beside me. (Cloud grins, and they keep on kissing.)
(On stage.)
RENO: I admit it! HA HA HA! YES! I was the murderer! YES! ME! THE BUTLER! HA! WHO'D have ever blamed the BUTLER!
(Cloud and Aeris.)
CLOUD: (Through the kiss.) It's always the butler.
AERIS: Yeah, you'd think they'd try to be original or something.
*SCENE V*
INT. THE GIRLS' APARTMENT LIVING ROOM-- EVENING
(Yuffie is sitting on the floor, next to Vincent, reading tarot cards, and using her manual at the same time.)
YUFFIE: (Hands him the pack of cards. In a solemn voice.) Cut the cards.
VINCENT: (Cutting the cards. Sexy voice.) You know, you look really pretty tonight.
YUFFIE: (Seeing where he cut them.) Oh no! The joker! This represents your loved one, the object of your affection, the girl you're... (Realizing.) Hey!
VINCENT: (Still in a sexy voice.) Something about this outfit... I've always been turned on by gypsies...
YUFFIE: They're calling me a joker!
VINCENT: Yuffie, are you listening to me?
YUFFIE: Maybe you cut the cards wrong or something, lemme try again...
(Vincent leans over and kisses Yuffie. Finally, he ends the kiss.)
YUFFIE: (Ignoring the kiss.) Ok, now pick a card!
VINCENT: Yuffie, I'm trying to get romantic here!
YUFFIE: And I want you to take the stupid card!
VINCENT: (Annoyed.) Yuffie, please...
YUFFIE: Hey, this just might be my future career, Vincent! I just need to learn about it!
VINCENT: Oh yeah?
YUFFIE: YEAH!
VINCENT: (Takes a card, angrily.) I'll take one card... (Takes all the cards.) I'll take all the cards! (Throws them into the air.) There! Now will you kiss me?
YUFFIE: (Angry.) Damn it, Vincent, my cards! Do you have any idea how much they cost me?
VINCENT: (Angry.) Nothing, because you just charged them to your father's credit card!
YUFFIE: (Pauses.) How did you know?
VINCENT: (Angry.) I know you, Yuffie. I know you inside out! Do you want to know why?? (Pauses, and sighs.) Because I love you!
YUFFIE: (Pauses, surprised. In a softer voice.) You love me, Vincent?
VINCENT: (Less angry.) Yes, I do. I'm sorry, I overreacted... Here, let me help you pick those up... (He kneels down, and starts picking up the cards.)
YUFFIE: (In a sexy voice.) Vinnie... To hell with the cards.
VINCENT: (Surprised.) Huh?
YUFFIE: (Smiling seductively.) Does this outfit turn you on?
VINCENT: (Grinning, and picking Yuffie up.) Yep.
YUFFIE: Think it would turn you on even more if it was lying on my bedroom floor?
VINCENT: (Carrying her off to her room.) Well, we'll just have to see, won't we?
*SCENE VI*
EXT. THEATER-- EVENING
(Cloud and Aeris are standing outside the theater, walking to Cloud's car.)
AERIS: Well, that play wasn't very good... Or maybe it was? I didn't pay very much attention.
CLOUD: (Grinning.) Tell me about it.
AERIS: (Smiling.) I love our dates.
CLOUD: I love *you*.
AERIS: I love you, too. (They kiss each other.) How did I ever get so lucky as to have someone like you?
CLOUD: You didn't. I did. I don't understand it, you could have had any of the other men in this world, yet you chose to take me.
AERIS: Cloud, there isn't anyone better than you. You are the sweetest guy in the world.
CLOUD: (Smiles and looks down at her.) I really love you. (They kiss.)
AERIS: (Looking up at the sky.) It's so beautiful.
CLOUD: Not as beautiful as you.
AERIS: How about a moonlight walk, Cloud?
CLOUD: (Smiling.) I'd love one.
(The two walk off, leaving the car, and the credits start rolling.)