*SCENE I*

INT. TIFA AND YUFFIE'S APARTMENT-- EVENING

(Tifa and Yuffie are sitting on the couch, laughing at the TV. They are dressed in ratty bathrobes, and holding a big bowl of popcorn between them.)

TIFA: Come on, I mean, this is *so* totally fake.

YUFFIE: Yeah, I mean, god, what is this?? (Still laughing, almost in tears with laughter.) I mean, they think they can create a sitcom by just getting a random group of characters together, putting them in pointless situations, and adding a few jokes??

TIFA: I mean, look at HER! (She points at the screen.) You have the bratty teenage girl... The overly sweet young woman... And the zany girl who lives at the mall, and who has a new boyfriend in every episode!

YUFFIE: And I mean, look at the guys! You have the really quiet, dark older guy, who somehow ended with the teenager... I mean, talk about cradle robbing!

TIFA: And then there's the Mr. T ripoff! (Starts laughing hysterically.)

TV (MR. T RIPOFF): I pity da foo'!

(The girls burst into laughter, just as the phone rings. Yuffie switches off the TV, still laughing, and Tifa answers the phone, smothering her giggles.)

TIFA: Yeah?

AERIS (ON PHONE): Tifa??

TIFA: Hey, Aeris!! Oooh, so how's the honeymoon going??

*SCENE II*

INT. ICICLE INN-- EVENING

(Aeris is lying on the bed, in a silky purple robe, speaking on the phone. Cloud is heard taking a shower in the bathroom.)

AERIS: Oh, Tifa, it's been amazing! I still can't believe I am officially Aeris Strife!

TIFA (ON PHONE): Aeris Strife! Oh my god! I've never heard it like that! It sounds wonderful!

AERIS: I'm just so happy... This is a dream come true!

TIFA (ON PHONE): I still can't believe you're moving out, though! No more late nights watching bad horror movies...

AERIS: No more practicing zany haircuts on each other...

TIFA (ON PHONE): Oh, Aeris, we're gonna miss you!

AERIS: I know...

*SCENE III*

INT. TIFA AND YUFFIE'S APARTMENT-- EVENING

(Yuffie is hovering around Tifa, who's still on the phone.)

YUFFIE: Lemme talk to her! Lemme talk to her!

TIFA: (Annoyed.) Aeris, Yuffie wants to talk to you... Bye, and have tons of fun! (To Yuffie.) Here. (Hands the phone to her.)

YUFFIE: (Grabbing the phone, eagerly into the receiver.) Hey, Aeris, broken all the bedsprings yet?

TIFA: (Half cracking up, half annoyed.) Yuffie, don't be annoying.

AERIS (ON PHONE): Uh... How about I don't answer that question? (Laughs.)

YUFFIE: Well, Tif and I have been watching TV all day, it's been fun!

AERIS (ON PHONE): Sure sounds fun! What's on right now?

YUFFIE: (Rolling her eyes.) Some awful sitcom.

*SCENE IV*

INT. ICICLE INN-- EVENING

(Cloud comes out of the bathroom, his hair still wet, with a towel wrapped around his waist. Aeris sees him, grins, and speaks back into the phone.)

AERIS: Yuff, I have to go.

YUFFIE (ON PHONE): (Loud wolf whistle.) Go get 'em, tigress!

AERIS: (Laughing.) Yuffie, you are pure evil! Bye! (Hangs up, and turns to Cloud, grinning.)

*SCENE V*

INT. TIFA AND YUFFIE'S APARTMENT-- EVENING

(Yuffie hangs up the phone, and hops back onto the couch next to Tifa.)

YUFFIE: When Vince and I get married, we're gonna have our honeymoon at Gold Saucer!

TIFA: Gold Saucer? Really?

YUFFIE: (Nodding, grinning, and stuffing a handful of popcorn into her mouth.) Yeeeep! (Glaring at the TV.) Really, isn't there anything better on??

TIFA: Doubt it... Are you going anywhere with Vincent tonight, then?

YUFFIE: Nah... Vincent, Cid, and Reeve went someplace. Some lousy guys' night out. (Rolls her eyes.) While we're stuck here, pigging out on junk food all day... (Gestures to a pile of potato chip bags, candy wrappers and soda cans.)

TIFA: Well, we don't have to stay in... I mean, we could always go do something...

YUFFIE: Yeah? Like what?

TIFA: Uh... (Thinks.) We could... (Thinks some more.)

(Tifa and Yuffie look extremely pensive.)

*SCENE VI*

INT. ROCKET TOWN CHOCOBOS VS. MIDGAR MOOGLES HOCKEY GAME-- EVENING

(Cid, Reeve and Vincent are sitting in the bleachers. Cid and Vincent are watching eagerly. Reeve looks a little confused. Cid is decked out as a loyal Rocket Town Chocobos fan, with the chocobo hat, chocobo banner, big foam finger, chocobo T-shirt, etc. Vincent and Reeve are just dressed in normal clothes.)

CID: (Jumping up in the air.) YEEEEEES! YES! ALL RIIIIIIGHT! CHOCOBOS RUUUUUUULE YOUR SORRY MOOGLE HIDES!

(Victory music plays over the speakers, and Cid starts dancing along with it, while the rest of the crowd cheers. Reeve and Vincent look amused at Cid's display.)

CID: We're number one! We're number one!!

REEVE: (Standing up, and checking his watch.) Okay, so the game's over... Can we go now?

VINCENT: Nooo... It's only half-time, Reeve. (Looks at Reeve strangely.)

REEVE: (Sitting back down.) Oh... Of course. (Looks even more confused than ever.)

CID: (Screaming out at the players.) SEVENTEEN TO NINE, YOU STUPID MOOGLES! HA! HAAAAAA!

(A hockey puck flies at him, and misses him.)

CID: Hey! I RESENT THAT, YOU MORONIC MOOGLE!

(An ice skate flies through the air and misses him.)

CID: YOU #(*&ING JERKS!

(Vincent and Reeve look at each other, amused.)

*SCENE VI*

INT. TIFA AND YUFFIE'S APARTMENT-- EVENING

(Tifa and Yuffie are still sitting on the couch, deep in thought.)

TIFA: Uh... How about we... Uh... Go to an amusement park..?

YUFFIE: Now? Nah... I'm not in the dizzy, pukey mood... Hmm... How about we go to a bar?

TIFA: Yuffie, I hang around bars 24/7. Do you really think I'd like to go to one now? Well, uh... The coffee house?

YUFFIE: Without Cloud, Vince and Aeris, it won't feel right... No... Well, what about the mall?

TIFA: The new spring line isn't in yet, Yuff... It wouldn't make much sense to go until then.

(The two sit, still in thought, staring at the television, while Yuffie idly flicks through the channels.)

TV ANNOUNCER (ON TV): The score is currently seventeen to nine, with the Chocobos in the lead. The Moogles aren't happy about this, as we can see by this live video.

CID (ON TV): LOSERS! LOOOOOSERS! (He is dodging things being thrown at him by loyal Moogle fans and the Moogles themselves, too.)

TIFA: Hey, that's Cid!! (She starts giggling insanely.) Oh my lord!!

YUFFIE: Oh gawd, what the hell's he doing??

TIFA: I have no...

CID (ON TV): SON OF A #(*&$!

TIFA: (She gasps.) THEY HIT CID! A HOCKEY PUCK HIT CID!!

(Yuffie and Tifa gape at each other, before beginning to laugh hysterically.)

*SCENE VII*

INT. EMERGENCY ROOM-- EVENING

(Cid is wheeled in on a stretcher, knocked out, followed by Reeve and Vincent, both looking embarassed. The nurse stops the stretcher, and walks away for a moment, leaving Reeve and Vincent.)

REEVE: I can't believe him! Sheesh!

VINCENT: I still don't get why they would put something like that on live TV! God, Cid had better hope Shera wasn't watching...

REEVE: Do you think he'll be okay? I mean, do you think he'll have any kind of brain damage?

VINCENT: (Takes a breath.) With Cid, it's hard to tell the difference.

REEVE: He looks so peaceful, just lying there. God, it's eerie!

VINCENT: Well, I just hope we won't be here all night... (Checks his watch.) I'd like to get to work on that script I'm writing for a commercial...

REEVE: You're actually writing a script? Really?

VINCENT: They're paying me!

REEVE: YOU?

VINCENT: (Nods proudly, smirking smugly.) You got it.

REEVE: So, uh, what's this commercial for? Any of the big name brands? Kelloggs, Nestle, Squaresoft, Microsoft...

VINCENT: Ha! Even better! (Takes a piece of paper out of his pocket, and squints at it.) The Famous Kalm Brand Name Chocolate-Mint Flavored Bubble Gum. (Pause. Smugly.) TM.

REEVE: (Pause.) Soooo, how 'bout that Moogles game?

*SCENE VIII*

INT. TIFA AND YUFFIE'S APARTMENT-- EVENING

(Yuffie is bored, doing a crossword puzzle on the floor. Tifa is stretched out on the sofa, watching TV.)

YUFFIE: Nine across. Means 'to get rid of'. Uh... (She taps her pencil on the floor.) What's that word? The one that sounds like lemonade?

TIFA: (Bored, automatic response.) Eliminate.

YUFFIE: Right. (She fills it in, and keeps going.) Seven down. Means 'red'. Uh... Magenta? No, that doesn't match... Isn't it? Uh... Fuchsia! No, that's pink, too. Uh...

TIFA: (Automatically.) Crimson.

YUFFIE: Uh... Oh, yeah, that works. (She fills it in.) Thanks. (She keeps going, and checks it again.) Three across. A female deer. (She scratches her head.) What was it... A mare, a foul, a...

TIFA: Damn it! (She rips the crossword puzzle out of Yuffie's hands, and fills it in in about ten seconds.) There! Happy?

YUFFIE: (Pause. Whiny.) You didn't have to be so mean!

*SCENE IX*

INT. EMERGENCY ROOM-- LATE EVENING

(Vincent and Reeve are sitting in the waiting room, waiting for Cid to wake up. A nurse walks up to them. She's tall and muscular, and very scary-looking.)

NURSE: (Rough, loud voice.) Okay, who's in charge here?

VINCENT: (Shoots a glance at Reeve, then weakly.) I... I am.

NURSE: (She shoves a ton of papers into his hands.) Fill these out.

VINCENT: (Nodding.) Ye... Yes ma'am.

(The nurse walks away. Vincent takes out a pen, and looks down at the form.)

VINCENT: First name... Cid. Last name... Highwind. Easy enough. Uh... Phone number... (He writes it down.)

REEVE: Geez... I hope he's okay, though... I mean, really.

VINCENT: Yeah... I mean, as annoying as he is, he's our friend. I hope he won't be paralyzed or something...

REEVE: Yikes, I didn't even think of that... Where did the puck hit him?

VINCENT: Left side of the head, right about here. (Points to his own head.)

REEVE: I really hope he'll be fine!

CID (FROM HIS ROOM): (Screaming.) I'm ringing the damn bell! What the *#@& do you need to do to get some (#@&ing service around here??

(Vincent and Reeve give each other a look, and stand up.)

VINCENT: He'll be fine.

(They rush out of the room.)