I know you’re itching to find out what Richard & I spoke about last week, so don’t worry – I’ll give you all the details in a moment. But before I launch into that gist, there are a couple of issues that I just need to get off my chest. For one, why are some women so eternally obtuse? And I don’t mean any offense, but I just thought I’d ask. In case you’re wondering where all of this is coming from, consider the following scenario: Funlola called me on Saturday wailing like she had just lost her best friend, her dog, her house, everything. It took me a good half-hour to calm her down to the point where she could even tell me what she was crying about. It turned out that she and her errant boyfriend (Dele) had broken up – yet again.

Apparently, she’d inadvertently heard a message that some woman had left him, threatening to take him to court because he’d stopped sending his child support checks. Obviously, Funlola had no idea inkling of what the woman was on about. When she confronted her boyfriend about the matter, he finally confessed that he had a one year old son with a woman he’d met at the gym a couple of years ago. He said he’d wanted to tell her about it, but he hadn’t been able to bring himself to fess up because he was afraid that she would leave him. Naturally, Funlola is devastated – on so many levels. She & Dele have been dating for almost 4 years and according to her, he just doesn’t seem trustworthy anymore.

Now,dearest diary, this is my question: Why did it take my dear friend 4 years to arrive at this conclusion? This is a man who has continuously lied to her since day one of their relationship. She found out 2 months after they started dating that he was still seeing his supposedly ex-girlfriend. He begged; she forgave him. About a year later, she found out that he’d gone on a weekend trip to San Francisco with a girl from his office. He begged; she forgave him. And to cap it all off, Funlola knew that Dele had gotten another girl pregnant about 2 years ago! The girl eventually had a miscarriage, and as always, Dele begged and Funlola forgave him. You know the drill… This has been the pattern of their relationship, and it has taken Funlola a whole 4 years to see what even a blind man would not have had difficulty perceiving. But what’s truly sad is that I’m not even convinced that this is the end of this mess. Knowing my friend, what’ll probably happen is that she’ll call me in tears every day for a week, wondering how he could put her through all this and vowing that she’s had about all she can take. In that one week, he’ll call, send her flowers, cards, stuffed toys, camp outside her door, etc, etc. (does brother-man have game or what?) She’ll ignore him completely during this period and emphatically repeat to me that she’s never taking him back ever, ever again. Then all of a sudden, I won’t hear from her for about 2 weeks. After that, she’ll show up at my door with a sheepish look on her face, telling me (as if I didn’t already figure) that she & Dele are back together, and that he’s truly changed now, he treats her like a princess, yada, yada… Then everything will be all honky-dory until his next (inevitable) infraction, when all hell will again break loose. And the beat goes on…

Here’s my issue, and I know I’ve gone off about this before, but I just don’t understand this kind of behavior. What sort of demon would possess a woman to remain in a clearly dysfunctional relationship with a man that she’s not even married to? Is this a self-esteem issue? Maybe she doesn’t think she can do better, or she might not even believe that she deserves better. Or it might be an ego thing. Perhaps she really thinks that she can reform the man. But even if this kind of man is capable of reforming (because there’s nothing God can’t do), why would she permit him to carry out his metamorphosis on her time? I don’t know why all of this is bothering me so much o. I guess I just feel that there wouldn’t be so many triflin’ men in the world if we women simply refused to put up with their nonsense. And I’m not saying that women don’t act up as well, before people start calling me a male-basher!

Now that I’m through ranting and raving about issues that don’t concern me I barely have enough energy to tell you about the real deal, i.e. Richard. It’s 11.30 p.m. and I should have been asleep an hour ago, but no such luck. When I start sleeping anyhow at work tomorrow, I’ll have you to blame! Sha, on to the Richard gist – basically he wants me back. But that’s not even the strange part. The really strange thing is that he supposedly got the urge to call me & try to rekindle things after he had a dream in which an angel told him that I am his wife. All kinds of things! I didn’t even know where to start answering him from. At first I thought he was kidding, but he quickly let me know that he wasn’t joking at all. I was dumbstruck. Imagine me, dumbstruck! But this was one “line” I’d never heard before. An angel told him that I’m his wife?? Unbelievable! This is the same Richard that I haven’t seen or spoken to in like 2 years or so. The same Richard who scoffed at all things spiritual and wouldn’t even go to church on Easter Sunday. I asked him when he became “Joseph the Dreamer” and he was like well, in the 2 years since we’ve been apart, he’s experienced a “spiritual and personal renaissance” (he still likes to blow big, big grammar!) I couldn’t understand half of the jargon he was talking, but I was intrigued nonetheless. By the end of the conversation I’d gathered that he is now very much a member of the New Age Movement; he attends some Holy Assembly temple somewhere in LA and spends his days seeking the divine light and such like. I think the guy is just confused, but hey, who am I to talk? All I know is that I’m not his wife, so he and his angel need to get off whatever crack they’re both smoking. I don’t think he’ll be calling me back anytime soon because I made it very clear that I wasn’t interested in anything he has to say if it involves any celestial beings or heavenly signs. Just when you think you’ve heard it all, huh?

Meanwhile, I now have only 3 weeks until my trip to Nigeria, and I still haven’t bought anything. I finally got Scarface to approve my vacation request, so I guess that’s a step in the right direction. All that’s left is to charter all the baffs that I’m going to wear while I’m out there, and buy things for all the million and one relatives that will be expecting Yankee gifts. I don’t know where the money is going to come from, but I’ll find a way. Maybe I’ll ask Koye and Tiwa if they want to collaborate on gift giving since we’re buying stuff for all the same people. But those two are the stingiest siblings on the face of this earth, so I doubt that I’ll get anywhere with them. I’ll probably just hit Daddy up for a loan, even though my credit history with him is pretty dismal at the moment. I’ve yet to repay the last two “loans” he gave me, but hey that’s what daddies are for, right? I can only get away with this kind of nonsense with Daddy; Mom doesn’t fall for any kind of emotional manipulation, so I don’t even bother trying her :-)

Oh well, I’m going to bed now. More gist next week. I’ll let you know if there are any new developments with Funlola and whats-his-name. Later……


Stay tuned for Week 4....