ROCKY HORROR TOYS WE'RE GOING TO MAKE WHEN I BECOME RICH AND FAMOUS.
Most of you know by now that there is going to be a line of Rocky Horror dolls released later this year. While I'm sure they will be nothing short of spectacular, one line of toys just simply isn't enough. I mean, how many goddamn action figures has Star Wars had, and it doesn't even rank anywhere NEAR Rocky Horror in coolness!!!!! (Sorry: No transvestite. No sex. No service.) So when my writing career rakes me millions, this is the line of Rocky Horror toys we're putting out.
PARTY TIME FRANK
Along the same lines as Party-time Barbie. Comes complete with party hat, a string on his back that when you pull he sings "Happy Birthday", and table which has a Claymation Eddie underneath the tablecloth.
FRANK, THE WONDER FUCK
Comes with a voice box featuring both Brad and Janet's voice, complimntary pink and blue bathrobes, and reversible Tribble hair that is easily removed when stroked.
G.I. FRANK
Rough and tumble sporting a whip in one hand and a triple decker pecker whacker (that slices, dices, and circumcizes) in the other.
SUPER ASSHOLE
Easily removeable Clark Kent glasses, and underpants that is stuffed more than a Polish pierogi
PEEK-A-BOO COLUMBIA
For the preschoolers...hours of entertainment as Columbia's tits play peek-a-boo with them periodically through the day.
SING AND SNORE ROCKY
From the makers of Sing and Snore Ernie...he sings one song and then is on his back for the rest of the time.
RAIN-BLOW BRITE JANET
Comes with technicolor tank. Sing and Snore Rocky sold seperately
SHRINKY DINK CHARLES GRAY
Put him in the oven and his neck shrinks 6.9 inches.
COOKING-TIME MAGENTA
Comes with her own recipe for steam.
BROWN-NOSING DR. SCOTT
With crushable Big Wheel-brand wheel chair.
MALIBU DREAM CASTLE
Complete with an impossible floor plan, (including a lab that is ONLY accessed by elevator yet all the Transylvanians can magically get upstairs before Brand and Janet who TAKE the elevator), a clock with an arbitrary dead chick inside, a freezer with a deadbeat biker, one bedroom with alternate pink and blue lighting, Magenta's Kitchen O' Steam and Cannablism, the lesbian bedroom with an outlet for a blowdryer and a Rocky Horror record by the lamp shade (something to look for next time), a laboratory with Lucky Charm food coloring bottles and a cameraman standing behind a statue in full view (look for that too), and of course a dining room that serves dinner at about 4:00 in the morning slightly before a Floor Show for absolutely no one except two frumpy servents plotting to kill you like they do every week.
