DISCLAIMER: X-Files, Mulder, Scully and all related characters belong to that amazing person called Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen Productions and the Fox Network. I mean no infringement. I am just borrowing the characters briefly to fulfil a dream, and I give them back undamaged by the experience (after a mind-swipe of course - can’t have either of them remembering anything that may be considered ‘unusual’ to their current lives!).

CATEGORY: ST and MSR themes.

RATING: PG

SPOILERS: All episodes up to and including "Milagro" (Season Six)

NOTE: Well, it was an experience, getting the first part of the story completed. Now I can focus on this second part. As I have no formal background in writing, I hope that what I have written makes sense, and breaks no terrible rules. I write for the pure pleasure it gives me.

As I said in the first part of this story "Breaking Down the Walls", I decided to break the story into five parts, each one having a central theme related to the original one. So far, the first four parts are tame, and explore Scully and Mulders relationship after the Padgett experience. Part five is still only in my head - and may stay there for awhile until I feel the time is right. Thank you for listening.

TITLE: Breaking Away.

Part Two: Breaking Hearts.

AUTHOR: Triton

triton-x@yahoo.com

Date: September 1999

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"And, Mulder, since I know that this revelation of mine will no doubt destroy our friendship and partnership, the bottom line here is that I can’t continue to work with you."

**********

Mulder’s body stiffened as her last comment echoed and bounced around his mind. Time, as he knew it, seemed to stand still. Thoughts, emotions, feelings, revelations, all these and more were racing around and around, tangling up in great knots, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t grasp at one thread long enough to make any sense of it. He didn’t know what to say to her. He was incapable of responding.

Scully stared at the whiteness of his clenched knuckles, and at the knotted muscles across his back, expecting him to turn angrily at her and berate her for losing her professionalism, or for wasting his life-time work on the X-Files. She knew for certain that he could not keep searching for the ‘truth’ if she were no longer able to be by his side. He had told her this before. He needed her, and had pleaded with her previously to reconsider. Now she was expecting the same argument from him.

What she was not expecting, though, was to see his body break into a series of sudden, intense shakes. Worried, she leapt up from the bed, calling his name. He turned to her then, and she could see that he was wracked with tears, not anger. With two large strides, he had closed the gap between them, and pulled her close, wrapping her completely in his embrace. He held her so tight, she feared she may break in half, but her own hold on him was as equal in passion.

Mulders voice was solemn as he began to speak, whispering into the soft curls of her hair.

"I know that I should be disagreeing with you, that I should be begging you not to walk away from our work, begging you not to leave me. But I can’t!.

"Scully, over the past few years, we have faced death and heartache so close and so often, and I am also bone weary of it. Sometimes I just want to sleep for days at end until I don’t dream death any more, my whole life is focused on death and darkness. But I can’t take a break from the work, from the F.B.I. or the X-files, because they are what keep me alive, my focus.

"You, Scully, are the only thing that adds light to my life. And you are the only thing that keeps me from going insane. I don’t want you to die. " He moved his hands into her hair, stroking tenderly.

"I feel so alone sometimes," he whispered, moving his hands down the side of her head and cradling her face in his palms, "and I don’t know if I could go a day without you. I don’t want to go a day without you!"

Scully looked up at him, and repeated his last comment in a whisper as her own. Forlornly. Sadness ebbed up from deep inside her, and flowed over both of them like a wave.

Mulder couldn’t stop the tears that flowed freely from his eyes either, and he held her close again, his voice wavering as he finally, after many years of holding back, began to speak from his heart. "You’ll never go a day without me, Scully. I can’t imagine not having you around. The intimacy issue has often crossed my mind, I think about us all the time. We’ve never crossed that line regarding our professionalism, as I don’t want to lose you because we did something foolish. But more importantly, I’d hate to lose you because of our work, and I nearly have on so many occasions. I have felt this way for a long time, I’ve had the same desire to be with you for a very long time, and more-so since I pulled you frozen from the pod on the alien ship.

"I haven’t been able to make this decision by myself. But I am weary of holding back my feelings from you, building walls around things I want to say and do. I have wanted you for eternity, and it was only pure discipline that kept me from telling you this ever second of every day of all the time we have spent together. How can I say ‘No’ to you when this is what I want more than anything, even more than finding my sister." For a long while, their gazes were locked as they visually delved into each other soul with a longing that burned like fire between them.

"What can I do to make sure I never lose you from my life. I need your help, Scully - I certainly don’t want you to die, and I don’t want to lose you as my partner, but above all, I can’t lose You, ...you are my..........," and he found he couldn’t summon up a word to describe the total range of emotions that were surging through his heart, his body and his soul.

Scully finally moved her face closer to his, and touched his lips gently with her own. "I have hoped for this moment for such a long time. I need you so much". Her warm breath lingered on his lips, her eyes bright with desire.

Mulder found himself trembling. "My god, Scully, I still can’t believe you mean this. I have agonised over it - I need you so much. I’ve wanted to tell you how I felt, but held back only because of what I thought you wanted. I didn’t want to lose you because of this selfish need of mine. Whether I can live without sex may be another issue, but I can’t live without you. You are the only one I want! To share that part of my life with you, well, it would be the most perfect thing that could happen to me." And to demonstrate the truth of his declaration, he pressed his lips to hers with more passion, seeking her response.

Scully leaned into him, stretching her arms up around his neck, tangling her fingers into his hair, pulling him against her tightly, seeking to close any gap between their bodies. The sensation of his warm wet lips on hers sent shivers through her body, igniting every neuron from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. Mulder moaned as his body reacted with an intense shudder. A thrumming vibration set up residence deep within her groin, sending tingles along her nerve endings, intensifying as the kiss deepened until neither were aware of anything else but their desire.

Mulder pulled away first. Eyes wet with emotion, he stared intently down at her, and wide smile playing over his lips.

"Wow Scully. I could die now, and be happy!"

Scully grimaced cheekily and rolled her eyes. "It was just a kiss, Mulder!"

"No, Scully, it was not just a kiss," he whispered back, "it was a kiss with you! It was more than I ever hoped for."

Appearing a bit embarrassed by this last comment, Scully took a step back, releasing her hold on him. "So what do we do now?"

Mulder didn’t respond immediately. He regarded her for a long moment, brow creased, while he thought long and hard.

"Do you want an honest answer Scully?"

She nodded hesitantly, crossing her arms across her chest.

"I want you to think about what you want. If what you want is just the one-off experience, I’d do it - as I’d do absolutely anything for you. But I’d prefer it if it was ongoing. I don’t know if I could limit myself to a once only with you. The longing would be too much for me. And also, after working side by side for more than 6 years, if we are going to destroy our partnership and friendship, I’d much prefer it to be with desire and passion, not desperation."

"What do you mean by that Mulder? Desperation is a pretty strong word, and I don’t picture myself as a desperate woman!"

"I want to make sure that you are sure you want what you want. I don’t want it to be because of a mourning for your life, or because you read a chapter in Padgett’s book about you having sex with the stranger which impacted on what you were thinking. I want you to consider what you are about to give up, and what you want from me, and give us both some time to digest this new step. Don’t get me wrong. Making long slow passionate love to you sounds like my dreams coming true all at once. The perfect way to spend eternity.

"But not now, not today, not like this. Not until I am sure you are coming to me with the truth. I can’t have the possibility of regret - that would destroy me, it would destroy both of us."

He watched her contemplate this declaration. Yes, he wanted Scully, every atom of his soul wanted Scully, he wanted to entangle their lives together in the most intimate way possible. He wanted to see her radiant smile, just for him. He wanted to give her such a big part of him, but it wasn’t the right time. Having her remember this moment because of a brush-with-death scenario was not desirable to him, and he believed it was not what she truly wanted. The moment had to be borne from desire, from want, from mutual love. Not desperation or as a grasp on life. It may be nice at the time - very nice- but even a minuscule of regret would destroy the intricate bond they had with each other.

Mulder watched Scully’s face as she processed this information. He could read every nuance that played across her face, he was used to reading her thoughts and emotions, he was actually getting quite good at it. He could see the flitter of the initial disappointment merge into pleasure at his revelations of mutual desire, to the resignation that what he said made sense.

Scully trusted him completely - he knew that for a certainty. He thought about the words said by Phillip Padgett earlier on, as he was being released from the cell. Deep down in his heart Mulder had, for a long time, known that it was true, that Dana Scully loved him, and it had lightened his soul briefly. He had sometimes, on a whimsy, believed he had seen glimpses of her true feelings, at rare moments, and these moments had been photographed, filed and stored in a small secret part of his memory, and carried with him through those dark lonely moments of his life. On a whim, he could bring them up again and again - her variety of smiles, the feeling of her hand holding his, her unique smell, the look in her eyes.

But had never entertained the thought that she was IN love with him. Mulder was in awe - Scully was in love with HIM, with Fox Mulder, the same guy that most people called Spooky, the same guy who slept most nights on a couch dreaming of chasing little grey men from outer space. And she had kissed him. A delightful, sensual, earth-shattering kiss.

He realised he was smiling at her in rather a goofy manner.

Scully, on the other hand, wasn’t smiling. She now wasn’t even looking at Mulder. She had moved back to the bed and was again sitting up against the headboard, her legs pulled up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. She was pondering the word ‘Regret’. She already had regrets. Not about where they were in their relationship. That part brought her immense satisfaction. What she was regretting was more related to her loss of direction, not knowing anymore where she was heading with her life. She was prepared to give up her current career path just at the point when they had begun to receive recognition for their quest, confirmation of authenticity from the Powers That Be. Yes, she would regret that, but she had made up her mind. She needed to prioritize her own needs, she needed to rediscover who she was. She regretted losing part of her self identity in the quest to find the Truth. She regretted losing another part of her self identity in giving up on the quest for the Truth. But her emotional needs had called out more strongly this time, and had won the argument she had been having with herself over the past six years.

Mulder sat down beside her and drew her gently into his embrace. "Scully, isn’t there a way that we can have what we want without you leaving the X-Files?"

She sighed, disheartened. "But what if it didn’t work out?" She rested her head against his shoulder, drinking in his familiar scent, feeling his warm breath at her neck. She was starting to feel achingly weary.

"Scully, of course it would work out!"

"But what if it doesn’t? I don’t think it is a good idea to work with you and sleep with you..................."

"Scully, I couldn’t think of anything worse than having to work without the knowledge you were right there beside me at every step. And alternatively, I couldn’t think of anything nicer than spending very opportunity curled up in your arms, smelling your hair, feeling your lips touch mine, feeling your skin against me. I am prepared to wait a few days, so that you can process everything thoroughly. Find some scientific theory to debunk me with! When you are ready, you let me know. I’ll be waiting patiently, and I will respect any decision that you make."

With a contented sigh, Scully disengaged herself from his embrace, and rolled over into a comfortable position, ready for the slumber that her body so needed.

"Mulder" she mumbled into the pillow.

"Scully?"

"Why didn’t you take advantage of my desperation? I was ready and willing!"

"Because I want your need of me to be an honest one."

"Mulder" she mumbled again.

"Scully?"

"So it wasn’t just a way to keep me from leaving the X-Files?"

"No. I want this to be about you, Scully. I know that it has always seemed to be about me, and my needs, but you are too important to me, and I can’t continue to take your presence for granted. I need to have you somewhere in my life."

"Mulder"

"Scully?"

"Hold me."

Without hesitation, Mulder lifted the edge of the quilt and slid down behind her, gently shifting their bodies around so that her back was pressed close to his chest. He wrapped one arm tenderly around her waist and the other interlaced itself into her mop of hair. Scully snuggled in closer, wrapped her ankles and toes comfortably around his, sighed with contentment, and fell asleep.

Mulder lay there motionless for a while, enjoying the much anticipated sensation of her warm little body curled up around his, and smiled elatedly. Once he was certain of her slumber, he whispered softly in her ear "..and thank you for asking, I’ve never felt so honoured in my life. But Scully, please hurry, please make the right decision. I need you already."

**********

End Part Two.