Blink

Danny: Good morning, dear.
Stella: Do I have a tail back there?
Danny: Sorry. Good morning, Stella.
Stella: Better.

Flack: Let me arrest him for swearing on his grandmother.

Stella: Can't sleep?
Mac: What's sleep?

Creatures of the Night

Flack: Sure you did, you got steak sauce on my shoes!

Aiden: NYPD. Crime Scene Investigators.
Shop-keeper: You people deal with rats?
Aiden: Only when they have eaten our evidence.

Mac: You're telling me a rat ate the bullet.
Hawkes: That was dessert.

Dr. Giles: A rapist who left behind no DNA. Perfect crime.
Stella: There's not such thing.

American Dreamers

Mac: If this is a joke, I'm not laughing. These bones are real.

Grand Master

*Danny and Stella enter a sushi restaurant in which the food is served on nude women*
Stella: Oh, that can't be sanitary.
Danny: Who cares if it's sanitary. I want to see the menu.

Danny: Here we are, looking for for the murderer at the table...
Stella: And here, the murderer is the table.

Flack: George Thomas. Assault in the first degree. Aggravated assault in the second degree. Criminal possession of a weapon. I can go on, but I already read 'War and Peace'.

Night Mother

*Aiden tries to pick the pocket of a training dummy without ringing the bell*
Danny: You're such a girl.
Aiden: Shut up.

Tri-Borough

Aiden: Dodecylbenzene sulfonic acid, tetrasodium EDTA, benzosothyazolone...
Detective Flack: Whoa, benzosothyzolone?!
Aiden: You know what that is?
Flack: No.

Flack: So a crapsicle killed this guy?

Recycling

Stella: Alright, Danny. How does the DNA from the fingernail scrappings on the knife not match Brett Stokes? I mean, she's got 'motive' tattooed on her forehead.
Danny: Hey, don't kill the messenger. See what I just did there?
Stella: Yeah, it was cute.

*Stella and Mac are at a dog show. They made a bet which dog was going to win. Stella won, of course*
Stella: Some days you're the dog. Some days, you're the hydrant.

Tanglewood

*they're in a SUV*
Stella: Who is that on the dashboard? Mickey Mantle?
Mac: I dunno. Looks kind of like Derek Jeter.
Stella: Derek Jeter from the Yankees, right?
Mac: Yeah.
Stella: Didn't they get beat by Boston or something?
Mac: We were up three to zero and then we got swept. But we're trying to forget that.

Hush

Vicaro: Hey, do you want to identify yourselves?
Danny: Excuse me?
Vicaro: I'm not recognizing faces, do you wanna identify yourselves?
Danny: What are you, the crime scene troll? You want us to indentify ourselves, you see the kits, you know who we are.
Aiden: We're not here to fish, who the hell are you?
Vicaro: Detective Vicaro, 34.
Danny: Danny Messer, Aiden Burn, 1, 2. Now will you stop busting my friggin' onions and fill me in on the dead guy behind you.
Vicaro: 18 wheeler found her on the side of the road. I responded and here I am.
Danny: Good for you, thank you. Aiden will you do me a favour and tell him what's what.
Aiden: We got it from here Vicaro.
Vicaro: Bet you do, bet you do CSI.

Danny: You take the bottom, I'll take the top.
Aiden: I like being on top.
Danny: What? You getting fresh with me because we got the bondage case?

Guy: Ah, you must be the Andersons. You're late for class.
Danny: Yeah, traffic was murder.

Chad: Did someone call for some oils?
Aiden: What are you, a scientist or a massages therapist?
Chad: Why? Do you want a rubdown, or a refractive index test?
*Danny whistles*

The Dove Commission

Hawkes to Mac: Know what my favorite game was when I was a kid? Operation.

Supply and Demand

Aiden: Give me your hands.
Delroy: What's the magic word?
Aiden: Hands!

Delroy: I can't feel my ribs!
Aiden: Oh, you will soon, and it's gonna hurt like a bastard.

Stella: What about Buffy the Friend Slayer back there?

What You See is What You See

Flack: (to Mac) Well, I'm never going to get a better eyewitness account than this - what did you see?