The One With the Princess Leia Fantasy

Phoebe: I got a call at like 2 in the morning, and all I could hear was like this high squeaky sound, so I figure oh, OK, so it's like a mouse or a possum. But then I realized, OK, where would a mouse or a possum get the money to make the phone call.

Joey: This guy is so stupid. It's Count Rushmore!

The One Where Nobody is Ready

Ross: Look, I don't care. It starts at eight. We can't be late.
Phoebe: We could not, would not want to wait!

Rachel: You guys, does this look like something the girlfriend of a paleontologist would wear?
Phoebe: I don't know, you might be the first one.

Chandler: Donald Duck never wore pants, yet when he came out of the shower he always put a towel around his waist. I mean, what's that about?

Chandler: What are you doing?
Joey: You said I had to give you the chair, you never said anything about the cushions.
Chandler: The cushions are the essence of the chair!
Joey: That's right! I'm taking the essence!

Joey: You hide my underwear; I'm wearing everything you own.
Chandler: Oh my God! That is so not the opposite of stealing somebody's underpants!
Joey: Look at me, I'm Chandler. Could I be wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando.

Chandler: *walks out of the bathroom with Cosmo* So I took the quiz, and it turns out I do put career before men.

Joey: Alright... they got water, orange juice, and what looks like cider.
Chandler: Taste it.
Joey: Yep, it's fat! I drank fat!
Chandler: Yeah, I know. I did that two minutes ago.

The One with the Jam

Joey: Want some jam?
Chandler: No thanks, I just had a jar of mustard.

Pheobe: I asked for the news, not the weather.

Rachel: Did you tell the doctor you did it jumping up and down on your bed?
Joey: No. I had a whole cover story, but Chandler here sold me out.
Chandler: Well, I'm sorry Joe, I didn't think the doctor would buy that it just fell out of the socket.

The One with The Metaphorical Tunnel

Monica: Pretend like you just woke up, okay, that will throw her off. Be sleepy.
Rachel: And grumpy!
Chandler: Would you stop naming dwarves!

Janice: What kind of a party serves barley?

Chandler: I'm having a party! It's right here in Chelsea!
Janice: So who's the party for?
Chandler: Chelsea.

The One with Frank Jr.

Monica: Whoa! Where you going in those pants? 1982?

Joey: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I get 'ya?
Chandler: No, you didn't get me!! It's an electric drill! You get me, you kill me!!

The One with the Flashback.

Phoebe: So unfortunate.
Ross: What?
Phoebe: Cute naked guy's really starting to put on weight.

Janice: Janice has a question. Who of the six of you has slept with who of the six of you?
Phoebe: Wow, it's like a dirty math problem.

The One with the Race Car Bed.

Phoebe: If you buy a mattress from Janice's ex-husband, isn't that like betraying Chandler?
Monica: Not at these prices!

Phoebe to the kid: Hi. You know, in England, this bed would be on the other side of the store.

The One with the Poking Device

Phoebe: Can I use your phone? I just want to call everyone I know.
Monica: Sure. We have no money. Go ahead.

Rachel: And all these people actually died?
Phoebe: Yes! While I was in the chair! That's why I take such good care of my teeth now. It's not about oral hygiene. I floss to save lives!

Joey: Ugly Naked Guy looks awfully still.
Phoebe: Oh my God! I killed him! I killed another one! And this curse is getting stronger, too, to bring down something that big.

Rachel: Phoebe, you're in pain. Would you just go to the dentist? Just go.
Phoebe: Alright, fine, fine. But if you're my next victim, don't come back as a poltergeist and like suck me into the TV set.
Rachel: I promise.
Phoebe: Although, don't feel like you can't visit.

The One with the Football

Monica to Ross: Oh what a great argument: exhaling.

Monica: Because the winner gets this!
Ross: The Geller Cup!
Chandler: Is everybody else seeing a troll doll nailed to a two by four?
Everybody else: Yeah.
Chandler: Okay, good.

Ross: Cheater, cheater, compulsive eater.

Rachel: Do you wanna play football?
Ross: Um, Monica and I aren't supposed to play football.
Joey: Says who? Your mom?
Monica and Ross: Yeah.

The One Where Monica And Richard Are Just Friends

Rachel: What?
Joey: Beth is really really sick.
Rachel: Awww...
Joey: Jo's there, but I don't think there's anything she can do.
Rachel: Joey.
Joey: Yeah.
Rachel: You want to put the book in the freezer?
Joey: Ok.
Rachel: Ok.

*the guys are snickering about Robert and his shorts*
Phoebe: What? What, you guys? What is going on? Do you not like Robert? Why are you laughing!?
Ross: Calm down. There's no reason to get testy.

Gunther: Hey buddy, this is a family place--put the mouse back in the house.

Joey: All blank and no blank makes blank a blank blank. Oh, and the end, when Jack almost kills them all with that blank but in the last second they get away!
Rachel: Joey! I can't believe you just did that!
Chandler: I can't believe she cracked your code.

Joey: Amy just burned Jo's manuscript. I don't see how he could ever forgive her!
Ross: Uh, Jo's a girl, it's short for Josephine.
Joey: But Jo's got a crush on Laurie. Oh, you mean it's lika a girl-girl thing? Cause that's the one thing missing from The Shining!
Chandler: No actually Laurie's a boy.
Joey: No wonder Rachel had to read this so many times!

The One The Morning After

Ross: No, no! I want to stay and talk about this!
Rachel: Okay, alright - how was she?
Chandler: Uh oh!
Ross: Huh, what!
Chandler: Was she good?
Joey: Don't answer that.
Rachel: Come on Ross, you said you wanted to talk about it, let's talk about it! How was she!?
Ross: She was...
Joey: Awful
Chandler: Not good, not good.
Joey: Nothing compared to you.
Chandler: Terrible.
Ross: She, she was...different
Joey: Oooohh.
Chandler: Uh oh.
Rachel: GOOD different?
Ross: Nobody likes change.

Pheobe: Should we do something?
Chandler: Yeah, never cheat on Rachel.

The One Without The Ski Trip

Rachel: You're a terrible skier.
Ross: Oh, hitting me where it hurts. My ski skills.

Rachel: Oh my god! Chandler, you're smoking again.
Chandler: Shut up, you're not my real mom!

Phoebe: I had a dream last night that Rachel and Ross were still together and we were all here hanging out.
Joey: I had the same dream.
Phoebe: Yeah, and no one slept with the Xerox girl.
Joey: Oh, I had the opposite dream.

Monica: What's "PLEH"?
Joey: That's "help" spelled backwards so that the helicopters can read it from the air!
Monica: Ah... What's "dufus" spelled backwards?

Rachel to Ross: Oh, I'm sorry, were you speaking to me or sleeping with someone else?

The One With The Hypnosis Tape

Monica: The only reason you want to go out with me is because of the blonde wig, and the big boobs, and the fact that I serve you food.
Pete: Well, if that were true I'd be dating my Aunt Ruth. And the two times we went out, it was just plain awkward.

Voice on Tape: You are a strong, confident woman who does not need to smoke...
*tape cuts off*
Joey on tape: Joey is your best friend... You want to make him a cheese sandwich every day... You also want to buy him hundreds of dollars of pants...

Gunther *taking a drag off of Chandler's cigarette*: Oh, Dark Mother...once again I suckle at your smoky teat.

Chandler: If that doesn't keep kids in school what will?

Joey: You're 18. She's 44. When you'll be 36, she'll be 88!
Frank Jr.: What you think I don't know that?

The One With The Tiny T-Shirt

Ross: How did the date go with Mr. Millionaire?
Chandler: Mr. Millionarire, new from Snooty Playthings! Third wife sold separately!

Phoebe: Oh you know what you should do? You should buy a state and then name it after yourself!
Pete: What, like Pete Dakota?
Phoebe: Or Mississi-Pete.

Chandler: Yeah. Either that or Gloria Estefan was right, eventually, the rhythm is going to get you.

The One With The Ultimate Fighting Champion

Rachel: I don't understand guys. I'd never congratulate Monica on a great stew by grabbing her boob.

Rachel: You said she was bald!
Phoebe: Yes, she was, she's not now.
Rachel: How could you not tell me she has hair?
Phoebe: I don't know, I hardly say that about people!

Monica: You are the worst ultimate fighter ever!
Pete: You know, I have a torn rotator cuff, a hairline fracture in my right forearm and a severely bruised Adam's apple, but THAT really hurt.

The One At The Beach

Chandler: If worse comes to worse, I'll be your boyfriend.
Monica: *laughs* Yeah right.