The One After Ross Says Rachel

Mr. Geller: Boy, bad time to say the wrong name, huh Ross?
Ross: That's true, thanks dad.

Monica: You didn't find her?
Ross: No...I've looked everywhere.
Chandler: Well, you couldn't have looked everywhere or else you would have found her!
Monica: Yeah, I think you should keep looking.
Chandler: Yeah, for about 30 minutes?
Monica: Or 45?
Chandler: Wow, in 45 minutes you could find her twice.

Phoebe: *to Joey* You ate meat! *facing Chandler and Monica* You had sex!
Chandler: No we didn't!
Phoebe: I know you didn't. I was talking about Monica.

Phoebe: Uh, hello, this is Ross Geller's personal physician, Dr. Phalange.
Mrs. Waltham: Who?
Phoebe: Yeah, I've discovered that Ross forgot to take his brain medicine. Uh, now without it, uh, in the brain of Ross, uh, women's names are interchangeable, through no fault of his own.
Mrs. Waltham: Oh my God, Phoebe!
Phoebe: No, not Phoebe, Dr. Phalange. Oh no! You have it too!

The One With All The Kissing

Chandler: Sorry it took so long, Joey was asking me about chicken!?
Monica: Chicken? I could do with some chicken!
Chandler: Hey Jo! *Monica goes back under the water* Will have a 3-piece combo and some coke. Owwwwwwww.... Diet coke!

Rachel: Oh honey, please, no, I can't get started with all that Ross stuff again. I mean he's going to be screwed up for a long time. And besides, you know, I don't go for guys right after they get divorced.
Monica: Right, you only go for them 5 minutes before they get married.

The One Hundredth

Chandler: So, uh now that little Chandler turned out to be a girl, what are they going to name her?
Phoebe: They're going to call her Chandler.
Chandler: Kind of a masculine name don't you think?
Phoebe: Works on you.

Phoebe: Can I tell you secret?
Rachel: Yeah.
Phoebe: I want to keep one.
Rachel: Oh I'm going to be on the news.

Rachel: So Frank. Three kids seem like a lot.
Frank: Not me to.
Rachel: Ok fair enough.

Frank: Frank jr jr.
Rachel: How does he look?
Frank: So gross.

Frank: Chandlers a girl!
Chandler: Oh my God. Kindergarten flashback.

Dr. Harad: It's almost time to push again.
Phoebe: I already HAD a baby, leave me alone!

Monica: I think you're my favorite!
Phoebe: Which one do you have?
Monica: I don't care!

Frank: Listen, Alice is gonna be here so soon. You couldn't do me a favour and, like, hold 'em in?
Phoebe: Sorry, Frank. I'm kinda in the middle of the last favour you asked me to do.

The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS

Chandler: Hey Monica, can I ask you a cooking question?
Monica: Sure.
Chandler: If you're cooking, on the stove, does that mean that your new secret boyfriend is better in bed than Richard?
Rachel: Chandler!....is he?
Monica: Uh...you know, I think I'm going to respect the privacy of my new secret boyfriend.
Chandler: Why? I mean if this guy was ME, and it was ME who had learned that it was ME who was the best you'd ever had, I'd be going like this...*jumps onto table and dances his little Chandler jig*

The One With The Kips

*Joey has packed an emergency kit with food, Mad-Libs and condoms*
Chandler: Condoms?
Joey: We don't know how long we're gonna be stuck here. We might have to repopulate the world.
Chandler: And condoms are the way to do that?

Joey to Chandler: You know, I feel like I don't even know you anymore, man! Look, I'm just going to ask you this one time, and whatever you say I'll believe you. Were you or were you not on a gay cruise?

Monica: We're supposed to be spending a romantic weekend together, what is the matter with you?
Chandler: I just want to watch a little television, what is the big deal? Geez, relax, mom.
Monica: What did you say?
Chandler: I said 'Geez, relax MoNNNN'.

Phoebe: We're so stupid. Do you know what they're doing in there? They're trying to take Joey!

The One With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks

Jack Keller: Well, Judy you finally did it. You finally made her full.

Chandler: You should be a chef.
Monica: Okay.

Monica: Okay, Phoebe, you pull, I'm gonna spread the legs as wide as I can.
Joey: Hehehehe.
Monica: Joey, now is NOT the time!

The One With Ross's Sandwich

Ross: What's going on?
Rachel: Joey has got a secret peephole! *Joey holding naked picture of Monica*
Chandler: Oh no no no no!
Rachel: Yes he has a naked picture of Monica, he takes naked pictures of us, then he eats chicken, and then he looks at them!

Monica: Phoebe, you are a badass!
Phoebe: Yeah, sometime I'll tell you the story about the time I stabbed a cop.
Rachel: Phoebe!
Phoebe: Well, he stabbed me first!

The One With The Inappropriate Sister

Joey: What are you doing?
Ross: I uh reorganized the fridge. See, um - bottom shelf, meats and dairy *empty*; middle shelf, fruits and vegetables *a lone apple*; and top shelf, expired PRODUCTS.

The One With All The Resolutions

Rachel: Oh, Joey, I have such a problem!
Joey: Oh well, you're timing couldn't be better. I am putting out fires all over the place.

Chandler: What an interesting approach to guitar instruction. Y'know some might find it amusing, I myself find it regular.

Ross: Y'know what? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say no divorces in '99!
Rachel: But your divorce isn't even final yet.
Ross: Just the one divorce in '99!

The One With Chandler's Work Laugh

Rachel: Hey! Y'know what? Let's talk about relationships!
Monica: Okay, what's going on with you?
Rachel: Nothing! You go!

Joey: Look, it's not that big a deal, so Monica and Chandler are doing it.
Rachel: I cannot believe you would say that!
Joey: Sorry. Monica and Chandler are "making love".

Ross: Okay, I know what you guys are gonna say...
Phoebe: You two would have VERY hairy children.
Ross: Okay, I didn't know you were gonna say that.

The One With Joey's Bag

Phoebe: It was really sweet. The last thing she said to me was; "Okay dear, you go get the eggs and I'm gonna get the yogurt and we'll meet at the checkout counter." And y'know what? We will meet at the checkout counter.

Phoebe: Lily's dead.
Frank Sr.: Are you sure?
Phoebe: Well, if she isn't, cremating her was a big mistake.

The One Where Everybody Finds Out

Phoebe: Watch, learn, and don't eat my cookie.

Monica/Phoebe: They don't know that we know that they know that we know.

Chandler: I love Monica!

Phoebe: I thought you were just doing it. Not in love.

Joey: I'm sorry! But hey, it's over now, right? Because you can tell them that you know they know and I can go back to knowing absolutely nothing!

Joey: Hey-hey, check it out! Check it out! Ugly Naked Guy has a naked friend!
Chandler: Well, come here. I'm very happy we're gonna have all the sex.
Phoebe: You should be. I'm very bendy.

Rachel: Oh yeah! Oh my God! That is our friend! It's Naked Ross!

The One with the Girl Who Hits Joey

Ross: *angry* I can't believe this, I thought you were my friend. This is my sister! My best friend and my sister, I cannot believe it!
Chandler: Look we're not just messing around. I love her. I'm in love with her.
Monica: I'm so sorry that you had to find out this way. But it's true, I love him too.
Ross: *happy* My best friend and my sister, I cannot believe it!

The One with The Cop

Joey: I kinda had a dream, but I don't want to talk about it.
Chandler: Oh, come on! What if Martin Luther King had said that?

Ross: Pivot! Pivot! PIVOT!

Rachel: I brought reinforcements!
Ross: You brought Joey?
Rachel: Well, I brought the next best thing.
*Chandler walks in*
Ross: Chandler? You brought Chandler? The next best thing would be Monica!
Chandler: Normally, I'd be offended, but she is freakishly strong.

The One with Rachel's Inadvertent Kiss

Joey: Damn it, did you move?
Ross: Yeah, I lived with you guys for a while and then I found this place. I'm Ross.

Monica: Did I squeeze too hard?
Phoebe: Let's just say I'm glad I'm not Chandler.

Chandler: You know what I just realized?
Monica: What?
Chandler: You just freaked out about our relationship!!
Monica: What? No I didn't.
Chandler: Yes you did!! Admit it!
Monica: Okay...I freaked out a little.
Chandler: No you didn't! You freaked out big time, and I fixed it! I am the relationship king and you are the lazy irrational screw-up!

Chandler: Now, I got to go cause officer Chandler has to go 10-100. Pee-pee.

The One Where Ross Can't Flirt

Chandler: Rachel, did it bother you when Ross flirted with other women?
Rachel: No, it bothered me when he slept with other women.
Ross: And thank you for that.

Rachel: But you know, I never really had anything to worry about. Ross was never very good at the flirting thing.
Ross: What? What-what, what are you talking about? It-it worked with you.
Rachel: Oh! You know what? You're right! We meet, you flirted and then bam, nine years later you had me!

The One in Vegas

Phoebe: This place is so much better than London! Okay? This lady dressed like Cleopatra gave me a coupon, 99 cent steak and lobster dinner. Huh!
Monica: Phoebe, you don't eat animals.
Phoebe: For 99 cents, I'd eat you.

Rachel: No! Phoebe just because I'm alone doesn’t mean I wanna walk around naked. I mean, you live alone, you don't walk around naked.
Phoebe: Uh-huh! Why do you think it takes me so long to answer the door?

Monica: It's almost our anniversary!
Chandler: I know. Can you believe it? One year ago today I was just your annoying friend Chandler.
Phoebe: Awww! Now you're just my annoying friend Chandler.

Ross: Hellllooo, Mrs. Ross!
Rachel: Hello, Mr. Rachel!

Joey: Hey Rach, how you doin'?
Rachel: *grins* I'm doing good, baby, how you doin'?
Joey: Ross, don't let her drink anymore!

Chandler: All right, if you roll another hard eight...we get married here tonight.
Everyone: Roll!!
Monica: Shut up! It...just...got interesting.