Gomez: Look at her. I would die for her. I would kill for her. Other way bliss.

Morticia: Don't torture yourself Gomez. That's my job.

Tully's wife: Why did I marry you?
Tully: Cause I said yes.

(Wednesday is hooking up an electric chair.)
Wednesday: Pugsley, sit in the chair.
Pugsley: Why?
Wednesday: Because we're going to play a game.
Pugsley: What game?
Wednesday: (strapping him in) It's called, "Is There a God?"

Morticia: Children, what are you doing?
Wednesday: I'm going to electrocute him.
Morticia: But we're late for the charity auction.
Wednesday: But, Mother...
Morticia: I said no.
Pugsley: Pleeaaaase?
Morticia: Oh, all right.

Wednesday: Please pass the salt.
Morticia: And what do we say?
Wednesday: NOW.

Morticia: Wednesday, play with your food!

Morticia: He looks so sweet. Looks just like a little entree.

Girl Scout: Is this made from real lemons?
Wednesday: Yes.
Girl Scout: I only like all-natural foods and beverages, organically grown, with no preservatives. Are you sure they're real lemons?
Pugsley: Yes.
Girl Scout: I'll tell you what. I'll buy a cup if you buy a box of my delicious Girl Scout cookies. Do we have a deal?
Wednesday: Are they made from real Girl Scouts?