Pugsley: We don't want to hurt him, we just want to play with him.
Wednesday: Especially his head

Debbie: I'll get you and your little hand too!

Young Girl: ... and then Mommy kissed Daddy, and the angel told the stork, and the stork flew down from heaven, and put the diamond in the cabbage patch, and the diamond turned into a baby!
Pugsley: Our parents are having a baby too.
Wednesday: They had sex.

Debbie: What a lady killer!
Gomez: Aquitted.

Amanda: I'll be the victim.
Wednesday: All your life.

Wednesday: I'm not perky.
Amanda: Well, that's for damn sure.

Debbie: These Addams men, where do you find them?
Morticia: It has to be damp.

Pugsley: We don't hug.
Gary: Oh, you're just shy.
Wednesday: We're not shy, we're contagious.

Amanda Buckman: Why are you dressed like somebody died?
Wednesday: Wait.

Gomez: He has my father's eyes.
Morticia: Gomez, take those out of his mouth.

Gomez to Fester: You'l meet someone. Someone very special. Someone who won't press charges.

Debbie: Don't I yearn? And ache? And shop? Don't I deserve love? And jewelry?

Debbie: Would you die for me?
Fester: Yes.
Debbie: Promise?

Wednesday: Wait, we can not break bread with you. You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the road sides, and you will play golf. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They said do not trust the pilgrims. And especially do not trust Sarah Miller. For all these reasons I have decided to scalp you and burn your village to the ground.

Delivery Room Doctor: Would you like some anesthesia?
Morticia: No, but do ask the children.