Harry: I'm not gonna kill him, I'm just gonna shoot him in the leg. He can still work with one leg!

Harry: How long have you worked for me, A.J.?
A.J.: Five wonderful years.
Harry: And in those five years you have never apologized to me this quickly, now what going on here?

General Kimsey: The fate of the planet is in the hands of a bunch of retards I wouldn't trust with a potato gun.

Grace: A.J. is my choice!
Harry: Choice? He's the only one here your age. That's not a choice, it's a lack of option.

Oscar: I'm, like, 98% excited, and maybe 2% scared. Or maybe it's backwards. Maybe I'm 98% scared, and, like, 2% excited. But that's what makes it so great---I'm so confused!

Harry: Houston, you have a problem.

Karl: The person who finds her gets to name her, right?
Truman: Yes, yes that's right.
Karl: Well, I'd like to name her Dottie, after my wife. She's a vicious, life-sucking bitch from which there's no escape.

Rockhound: I hate it when I know everything!

Rockhound: Hey Harry, you know we're sitting on four million pounds of fuel, one nuclear weapon and a thing that has two hundred thousand moving parts built by the lowest bidder. Makes you feel good doesn't it?

Rockhound: We got first class tickets to the end of the world!

A.J.: You know what I was thinking?
Grace: What?
A.J.: I really don't think that the animal cracker qualifies as a cracker.
Grace: Why?
A.J.: Well cause it's sweet, which, to me, suggests cookie and, you know, I think putting cheese on something is sort of defining the characteristics of what makes a cracker a cracker.

A.J.: Well, we all gotta die right? Looks like I'm the guy who gets to do it saving the world.

Army officer: We're here on direct orders from the President!
Rockhound: Hey Harry, I swear she didn't tell me her age!

Lev: American components, Russian components. They are all made in Taiwan!

Col. Sharp: Ms. Stamper? Colonel Willie Sharp, Air Force Commander, requesting permission to shake the hand of the daughter of the bravest man I ever met.

Col. William Sharp: Training astronauts needs years. You have 10 days.

A.J: It's all fun and games until someone gets shot in the leg.

Chick: Harry, the clock on that nine-foot nuclear weapon is ticking.