Elliot: Damn the Devil! Damn the Devil to Hell!

The Devil: Paragraph one states that I, the Devil, a not-for-profit organization, with offices in Purgatory, Hell, and Los Angles, will give you seven wishes to use as you see fit.
Elliot: Seven? Why not eight?
The Devil: Why not SIX? I don't know. Seven just sounds right.

Elliot: "I, Elliot Richards, hereafter known as the Damned" -- the Damned?!
The Devil: How about "the Darned," sound better?

Elliot: I wish that I were the most sensitive man in the world.
The Devil: Okay, good...
Elliot: Oh, wait! I wish I were the most EMOTIONALLY sensitive man in the world.
The Devil: Damn. I was hoping you wouldn't catch that. I could've had a lot of fun with that one.

Elliot: You are so bad!
The Devil: I know. I've been really naughty, haven't I? Perhaps a good spanking's in order?
Elliot: Is that all you ever think about? Is that all life is to you, sex, sex, sex?
The Devil: Of course not! There's greed, gluttony, sloth, vanity, anger, envy...

The Devil: I am the Devil! Satan, Lucifer, Beelzebub, the Prince of Darness! Well, the Princ-ess, anyway...

McDonalds Employee: Welcome to McDonalds. What can I get you?
The Devil: A Big Mac and a large Coke.
McDonalds Employee: Fries?
The Devil: No.
McDonalds Employee: It comes to $3.47.
The Devil: *to Elliot* Do you have $3.47? I left my purse in the Underworld.

The Devil: Your soul is like you appendix. You never use it.
Elliot: Oh yeah? If it's so useless, how come you want it so bad?
The Devil: Oh, aren't you a clever one?

The Devil: You know, you'd think that meeting the Devil would be interesting enough but no. All people want to know about is Him. Like He's so bloody fascinating!
Elliot: So He's a man?
The Devil: Yeah, most men think they're God, this one just happens to be right.

Elliot: My soul?! You want me to give you my SOUL?
The Devil: What are you, James Brown?

The Devil: You're so nervous, Elliot.
Elliot: How do you know my name?
The Devil: I'm psychic. Plus it's on your name tag.