Sports newscaster: Mrs. Bhamra, you must be very proud of your daughter.
Mrs. Bhamra: Not at all. She shouldn't be running around with all these men. Showing her bare legs to 70,000 people! She's bringing shame on the family and you three shouldn't encourage her.

Mrs. Bhamra: You girls are to spoiled.

Joe: Where do you normally play?
Jess: In the park.
Joe: No...I meant what position?

Paula: All I'm saying is, there is a reason why Sporty Spice is the only one of them without a fella.

Jess: Kissing? Me? A boy? You're mad. You're all bloody mad.

Mrs. Bhamra: What did I do wrong in my past life?

Joe: Your mom is a barrel of laughs compared to my dad.

Jess: Well, Beckham is the best.
Tony: I really like him.
Jess: Of course you do. No one can cross a ball or bend it like Beckham.
Tony: No, Jess. I really like Beckham.
Jess: What? You mean... but you're Indian.

Jess: She called me a Paki, but I guess you wouldn't understand what that feels like, would you?
Joe: Jess, I'm irish. Of course I'd understand what that feels like.

Paula: So don't tell me. The offside rule... is when the f-f-french mustard... has to be between the Teriyaki sauce and the sea salt.

Camera guy: Indian brides never smile.

Paula: Get your lesbian feet out of my shoes!
Wedding guest: Lesbian! Her birthday's in March. I thought she was a pisces.

Mrs. Bhamra: At least I taught her full Indian dinner. The rest is up to her.