Keith: I think we know who is responsible for this!
Laura: Me? You gotta be kidding! If I count to ten, will you disappear?
Keith: You watch your mouth, young lady, or no Hawaii.
Laura: Gee, then I'd better not say what a complete dickhead you're being!

Laura: Did you know it's estimated that by the year 2000, one out of every three people will be a member of my family?

Laura: Fine! I quit this family. I hope you choke on poi! I hope your leis shrivel up and die! I hope Don Ho's show REALLY SUCKS!

Laura: If these are the best years of my life, I must have some serious third degree burns in my future.

Laura: Why torture yourself when life will do it for you. Who said that? I did! Go ahead and quote me.

Laura: The problem with my dad is that he's 40, looks like he's 30, talks like he's 20, and acts like he's 10. He's fun to play board games with.