Puggy: God said to Noah, "I am going to put an end to all people for the earth is filled with violence because of them. You are to bring into the ark two of all living creatures to keep them alive with you." *eats a Frito* In other words, life is hard, so you better find someone who will be your partner. Eliot Arnold's story is a lot like Noah's, except Eliot's story takes place in Miami. *eats another frito* You can't really beat these when they're fresh. Anyway, Eliot should probably tell you exactly what happened because I was locked in the trunk of a police car for part of it. My name's Puggy, and I live in a tree. I hope I didn't ruin anything for you.

Eliot *vo*: A year ago, I had a nice house, a beautiful wife, and a job I really loved. Now I was being called a loser by this guy. For eighteen years, I wrote a column for the Miami Herald.

Eliot to Matt: Andrew and I have to kill a girl.

Henry: So this is Miami, huh? They can keep it.

Puggy: Aluminum, huh?
Leo: We sponser girl's softball team.

Anna: Talk to me, Martha.

Arthur to Nina: This is my house. You work for me and I want to suck your toes.

Henry: Only the female misquito sucks your blood.
Leonard: Sounds like my ex-wife. Bitch.

Officer Monica: So you were outside with a squirt gun and an imaginary friend?
Matt: Yeah.

Nina: *waking up and see Puggy with a white light around him* Jesus.
Puggy: Puggy.

Eliot: Do you think someone's trying to kill him?
Anna: God, I hope so.

Jenny: And you don't look at my ass when I walk away.
Andrew: I can't make that promise.

John/Ivan: Missile wary hard to get.
Arthur: Well, I want you to try wary god damn hard get a missle.

Arthur: Looks like a garbage disposal.

Mall security guy: We're not suppose to carry guns.
Jack: Well, we're not suppose to drink on the job either.

Walter: So I was thinking maybe you and me could get together some time.
Monica: Walter, so you wanna have sex with me?
Eliot (vo): Walter, couldn't believe it. Had he somehow found the wormhole in the universe that guys have been seeking for eons - that wormhole that would allow him to bypass all the talking and talking and talking and just do it? Walter thought hard about how he would phrase his response to Monica's question.
Walter: Yeah.

Leo: Business very bad.
John/Ivan: Bad location.

Eddie: Looks like a garbage disposal.

Eddie: Let's get the hell outta here, Snake. I think I hear one of them silent alarms.

Leonard: If we don't shoot someone soon, I'm going to forget how.

Snake to Eddie: Who are you? Martha Stewart?

Eddie: Okay, we gotta pick a road. Arrivals or departures? We're arriving, but then we're departing. Which one, Snake?
Snake: What do you think?
Jenny: I think you guys should turn yourselves in and plead not guilty by reason of stupidity.
Snake: *looks at the signs* Departures.

Walter: Was that a goat.