Billy: There's something important I was supposed to do today... What's today?
Frank: October?
Billy: It's nudie magazine day!! Nudie magazine day, nudie magazine day, nudie magazine day...

Juanita: Oh, that boy is a fine piece of work all right. He's a fine piece of ass though too.

Karl: I ate some Triscuit crackers in the car, you should have had some.
Eric: Well, maybe if you told me they were delicious Triscuit crackers I could have enjoyed them with you.
Karl: I'm sorry.
Eric: Well, "sorry" doesn't put the Triscuit crackers in my stomach now, does it Karl?

Billy: Shampoo is better! I go on first and clean the hair! Conditioner is better! I leave the hair silky and smooth! Oh, really, fool? Really! [Notices gold swan on edge of tub.] Stop looking at me, swan!

Frank: Who would you rather bone, Meg Ryan or Jack Nicholson?
Billy: Jack Nicholson now, or 1974?
Frank: 1974.
Billy: Meg Ryan.

Mr. Madison: Remember that spelling bee in the 2nd grade?
Billy: Oh no Dad, you didn't.
Mr. Madison: Rock? R-O-K?
Billy: Yeah, so what's your point?
Mr. Madison: R-O-C-K!

Billy: Where's my Snack Pack?!?
Juanita: You've got a banana you don't need no Snack Pack.
Billy: You know I like Snack Pack why can't you just give me a Snack Pack?!?
Juanita: I thought I was your Snack Pack.
Billy: What are you talking about?
Juanita: Nothin.

Veronica: No milk, will ever be our milk.

Billy: Miss Lippy, the part of the story I don't like, is that the boy stops looking for his dog after an hour. He just sits on his porch like a goon, he didn't put up posters or anything. That boy's gotta think "You got a pet, you got a responsibility! You can't just look for an hour and call it quits. So you get your ass out there and you find that fuckin' dog!"

Billy: Now you're all in big big trouble.

Scottie: That's Billy. He's in my class. I heard he's retarded or something.

Frank: Hey, you wanna feed that donkey some beer, get it all messed up?
Billy: Maybe later.
Frank: I'll go put some beer in a bucket.

Vernica: Billy is a nuisance. He will be gone in two weeks. I apologize for this inconvenience.

Billy: I been physically abused in the ear.

Juanita: You want me to take my shirt off for you?
Billy: No, thank you.
Juanita: Ok baby. But remember, the offer is on the table!

Billy: I don't know I kinda feel like an idiot sometimes... although I am an idiot so it kinda works out.

Old Lady: I'll tell ya who took those lunches. It's that damn sasquatch.

Billy: Of course I peed my pants! Everybody my age pees their pants! It's the COOLEST!!
Ernie: Really?!
Billy: Yes!! You ain't cool, unless, you pee your pants!

Bus Driver: That Veronica Vaughn is one piece of aiss. I know from experience, dude, you know what I mean?
Billy: No you don't.
Bus Driver: Well, not me personally, but a guy I know. Him and her got it on!!! WOOWEE!!!
Billy: No they didn't.
Bus Driver: No, no, no, they didn't, but you can imagine what it'd be like if they did, right?

Bus Driver: Everybody on?! Good. Great. Grand. Wonderful. No yelling on the bus!!
Billy: Snack Pack you're the coolest!!
Veronica: Well those should last you through the weekend.
Billy: Thank you very much.

Lunch Lady: Have some more sloppy joes! I made 'em extra sloppy for yous. I know how yous kids like 'em sloppy!
Billy: Lady, you're scaring us!

Billy: No I will not make out with you! You got Chlorophyll Man up there talking about God knows what and all she can talk about is making out with me. I'm here to learn, people, not to make out with you! Go on with the chlorophyll!

High School friend: Are you in loser denial or something?
Other friend: I had a bad case of loser denial myself, until the lacross team stuck a parking cone up my ass.

Billy: We gonna go on a date. You, me, Jack and Frank, are gonna go around puttin shit on people's doorsteps, and we gonna sets it on fire.

Frank: I think Billy and his girlfriend are playing water polo.
Jack: Maybe they're playing Marco Polo. Marco!
Frank: Polo!! Ah, ha... Gees that's a great game.

Clown: Hey, kids, it's me! I bet you thought that I was dead! But when I fell over I just broke my leg and got a hemmorage in my head! HA HA HA!!!

Veronica: Spanish Armada.
Billy: Fourteen.. sixty.. six. 67. 1469. 1514. 1981. 1986. Please, do not do that. Come on I swear, just hang in there one second, please, God, give me the answer!

Billy: Spanish Armada... uh.. 1588.
Bus Driver: That is correct.

Principal: Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul.

Billy: All right, stop before I throw up.