"...And these children
that you spit on
as they try to change their worlds
are immune to your consultations.
They're quite aware
of what they're going through..."
David Bowie

Vernon: And when I say essay... I mean essay. I do not mean a single word repeated a thousand times. Is that clear Mr.Bender?

Vernon: Questions?
Bender: Yeah, I've got a question. Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?
Vernon: I'll give you the answer to that question, Mr.Bender, next Saturday. Dont mess with the bull young man, you'll get the horns.
Bender: That man is a brownie-hound.

Andrew: Hey! If I lose my temper, you're totalled, man.
Bender: Totally?
Andrew: Totally.

Claire: You know why guys like you knock everything?
Bender: Oh, this should be stunning.
Claire: 'Cause you're afraid.
Bender: Oh God, you richies are so smart, thats exactly why I'm not heavy in activities.
Claire: You're a big coward.
Brian: I'm in the math club.
Claire: You're afraid that they won't take you. You don't belong so you just have to dump all over it.
Bender: Well, it wouldn't have anything to do with you activities people being assholes now would it?
Claire: You wouldn't know. You don't know any of us.
Bender: Well, I don't know any lepers either but I'm not gonna run out and join one of their fuckin' clubs.
Andrew: Lets watch the mouth, huh?
Brian: I'm in the physics club.
Bender: Excuse me a sec. What are you babbling about?
Brian: Well, what I said was that I'm in the math club, the latin club and the physics club.
Bender: Hey, cherry, do you belong to the physics club?
Claire: Thats an academic club.
Bender: So?
Claire: So, academic clubs arent the same as other kinds of clubs.
Bender: But the dorks like him, they are. What do you guys do in your club?
Brian: In physics, well, we talk about physics... properties of physics.
Bender: So its sort of social. Demented and sad, but social, right?

Vernon: Why is that door closed?!
Bender: How are we supposed to know, we're not supposed to move right?

Bender: I don't have it. Screws fall out all the time, the worlds' an imperfect place.

Bender: How come Andrew gets to get up? If he gets up, we'll all get up, IT'LL BE ANARCHY!

Vernon: You're not fooling anyone, Bender. The next screw that falls out is going to be you.
Bender: Eat my shorts.
Vernon: What was that?
Bender: Eat. My. Shorts.
Vernon: You just bought yourself another Saturday.
Bender: Ugh, I'm crushed.
Vernon: You just bought one more right there.
Bender: Well, I'm free the Saturday after that. Beyond that, I'm gonna have to check my calendar.
Vernon: Good. Because its going to be filled. We'll keep going. Want another one? Say the word. Just say the word. Instead of going to prison you'll come here. Are you through?
Bender: No.
Vernon: I'm doing society a favor.
Bender: So?
Vernon: Thats another one right now. I've got you the rest of your natural born life if you don't watch your step! You want another one?
Bender: Yes.
Vernon: You got it! Right there, thats another one pal.
Claire: Cut it out!
Vernon: You through?
Bender: Not even close, BUD.
Vernon: Good. You got one more, right there.
Bender: You really think I give a shit?
Vernon: Another. You through?
Bender: How many is that?
Brian: Thats seven including when you asked Mr.Vernon here if Barry Manilow knew that he raided his closet.
Vernon: Now its eight.You stay out of this.
Brian: Excuse me, sir, its seven.
Vernon: Shut up, Peewee. You're mine, Bender. For two months, I've gotcha.
Bender: What can I say? I'm THRILLED.

Vernon: Now that's it! I'm gonna be right outside those doors. Next time I have to come in here, I'm crackin' skulls.

Carl the Janitor: Brian, how ya doin'?
Bender: Your dad works here?

Bender: Uh, Carl?
Carl: What?
Bender: Can I ask you a question?
Carl: Sure.
Bender: How does one become a janitor?
Carl: You want to be a janitor?
Bender: No, I just want to know how one becomes a janitor because Andrew here is very interested in persuing a career in the custodial arts.

Bender: You won't accept a boy's tongue in your mouth, and yet you're willing to eat that?
Claire: Can I eat?
Bender: I don't know. Give it a try.

Bender: What are we having?
Brian: Just your normal everyday lunch.
Bender: Milk?
Brian: Soup.... Apple juice.
Bender: I can read. PB & J with the crusts cut off. Well Brian, this is a very nutricious lunch. All the food groups are represented. Did your mom marry Mr. Rogers?
Brian: No, Mr. Johnson.

Andrew: All right, what about your family?
Bender: Oh mine? Its real easy. Stupid worthless no good goddamn free loadin' son of a bitch retarded big mouth know it all asshole jerk! You forgot ugly lazy and disrespectful- shut up bitch! Go fix me a turkey pot pie! What about you dad? Fuck you. No, dad, what about you? Fuck you. No dad what about you?! Fuck you!
Brian: Is that for real?
Bender: Want to come over sometime?

Bender: A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says, 'I suppose you won't be needing a drink.' Naked lady says-- "OOHHHH Shiit!!" *falls*
Vernon: Jesus Christ Almighty!
Bender: Forgot my pencil.

Alison: I'll do anything sexual and I don't need a million dollars to do it either.
Claire: You're lying.
Alison: I already have. I've done just about everything there is except a few things that are illegal. I'm a nymphomaniac.
Claire: Lie.
Brian: Are your parents aware of this?
Alison: The only person I told was my shrink.
Andrew: And what did he do when you told him?
Alison: He nailed me.
Claire: Very nice.
Alison: I don't think that from a legal standpoint what he did could be construde as rape since I paid him.
Claire: He's an adult!
Alison: Yeah, and he's married.
Claire: Ugh! Do you have any idea how completely gross that is?
Alison: Well the forst few times-
Claire: First few times? You mean you did it more than once?
Alison: Sure.
Claire: Are you crazy?
Brian: Obviously she's crazy if she's screwing a shrink.
Alison: Have you ever done it?
Claire: I don't even have a psychiatrist.
Alison: Have you ever done it with a normal person?
Claire: Didn't we already cover this?
Bender: You didn't answer the question.
lison: Its kind of a double-edged sword, isn't it?
Claire: A what?
Alison: Well, if you say you haven't you're a prude. If you say y ou have, you're a slut. Its a trap. You want to but you can't and when you do you wish you didn't, right?
Claire: Wrong.
Alison: Or are you a tease?
Andrew: She's a tease.
Claire: Why don't you just forget it.
Andrew: You're a tease and you know it. All girls are teases.
Bender: She's only a tease if what she does gets you hot.
Claire: I don't do anything.
Alison: Thats why you're a tease.

Brian's essay: Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole saturday in detention for whatever it is we did wrong, but we think you're crazy for making us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us, in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out, is that each one of us is a brain, and an athlete, and a basketcase, a princess, and a criminal. Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, The Breakfast Club.

Alison: Vodka.
Andrew: Vodka? When do you drink vodka?
Alison: Whenever.
Andrew: A lot?
Alison: TONS

Alison: Yeah? That's very interesting. Now why don't you tell me why you're really in here.

Alison: Your middle name is Ralph, as in puke. Your birthday is March 12th, you're five-nine and a half, you weigh a hundred and thirty pounds, and your social security number is 0-4-9-3-8-0-9-1...3.

Alison: What's there to steal? Two bucks and a beaver shot!

Alison: My home life is un...satisfying.

Alison: You wanna know what I did to get in here? Nothing. I didn't have anything better to do.