Lalita: Mother thinks that any single man with big bucks is shopping for a wife.
Jaya: I'm embarrassed to say, but I hope he is.
Lalita: What, shopping or loaded?
Jaya: Well... both!

Kiran: *about her brother* Brace yourself Darcy, he's about to transform into the Indian MCHammer.

Mr. Bakshi: Have I told you about this Indian fellow who went to America and made it rich? This fellow went to America and bought this huge American house and built three swimming pools in the garden... so when his father visited from India, he showed him around his mansion and three swimming pools. His father asked, "but son, why do you need three pools?" So he said proudly, "Well one is filled with cold water when I feel hot. The second is filled with hot water when I feel cold." The father nodded and said, "Why is the third pool empty?" He said, " Well, that's when I don't feel like swimming at all."

Chandra: Lalita.
Lalita: Huh?
Chandra: Marry him, divorce him right away, then give me half. *about Will*

Chandra: *Will sneezes* Someone's thinking of you.

Will: What did she say?
Lalita: It's just an old saying. We say whenever you sneeze, it means someone's thinking of you.

Will Darcy: I'm a hopeless dancer, but this looks like you just screw in a light bulb with one hand and pat the dog with the other.

Mrs. Bakshi: Now listen to me carefully girls, huh? It's very important to make a good first impression to Kholi. *to Jaya* Stand straight. *to Lalita* Smile. *to Maya* Don't talk unnecessarialy, and don't say anything too intelligent. You *points to Lalita*.
Mr. Bakshi: Shame she only selectively practices what she preaches.

Mr. Kholi: You know what they say. No life without wife.

Mr. Kholi: You know I actually prefer American hip-hop, but as Gloria Estefan says "the Rhythm is going to get you." So bring it on.

Lalita: *to her friend* You should be stirring your husband's dinner not trouble.

Mrs. Bakshi: *after Lakhi went off with Wickham* What sorry? No boy is coming within ten miles of you until you get married.