Ty: You take drugs Danny?
Danny: Every day.

Danny: I haven't even told my father I'm not gonna get that scholarship. I'm gonna end up working in a lumberyard the rest of my life.
Ty: What's wrong with lumber? I own two lumberyards.
Danny: I notice you don't spend too much time there.
Ty: I'm not quite sure where they are.

Judge Smalls: Don't you have homes?

Al Czervik: I hear this place is restricted, Wang, so don't tell 'em you're Jewish, okay?

Al: Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? Oh, it looks good on you though.

Master Greenskeeper: Spackler, I want you to kill all the gophers.
Spackler: Check me if I'm wrong, but if we kill all th golfers then they'll lock us up and throw away the key.
Master Greeenskeeper: Not Golfers! Gophers!
Spackler: We could do that. We don't even need a reason.

Spackler: So I jumped ship in Hong Kong, make my way over to Tibet and I get on a course in the Himilayas as a looper. You know, a jock, a caddy. So I tell 'em I'm a projock and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama himself! Twelfth son of the Lama, the flowing robes, bald...striking. So we get up on the first tee, he hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - into a ten thousand foot crevasse right at the base of this glacier. And he says, "Gunga Galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga." So we get up on 18 and he's gonna stiff me, and I say, "Hey! Lama! How 'bout, you know, a little something for the effort?" And he says, "There won't be any money here... but on your death bed,you will receive total consciousness." So I got that going for me, which is nice.

Spackler: Cindrella boy, outta nowhere, a former groundskeeper, now about to become the masters champion.

Al: Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.

Judge Smalls: Ty, I'm no slouch you know.
Ty: Don't be so hard on yourself, judge. You're a tremendous slouch.

Ty: Thank you very little.

Al: Hey you scratched my anchor.

Ty: Don't worry about this one. We miss it, you lose.