Wadsworth: We're like the mounties, we always get our man.
Mr. Green: Mrs. Peacock was a man?

Mr. Green: Who would want to kill the cook?
Miss Scarlet: Dinner wasn't that bad.

Mrs. White: Husbands should be like kleenex: soft, strong, and disposable.

Wadsworth: I can explain everything.
Cop: You don't have to.
Wadsworth: I don't?
Cop: No, there's nothing illegal about any of this.
Wadsworth: Are you sure?
Cop: Of course, this is America!
Wadsworth: I see...
Cop: It's a free country, don't you know that?
Wadsworth: I didn't know it was THAT free.

(gong clangs)
Wadsworth: Ah, dinner!
Mr. Green: I'm sorry, I'm a little accident prone.

Wadsworth: But he was your second husband. Your first husband ALSO disappeared.
Mrs. White: But that was his job. He was an illusionist.
Wadsworth: But he never reappeared!
Mrs. White: Ahph! He wasn't a very good illusionist.

Mrs. Peacock: Ah, well, if you'll excuse me, I have to, ah, um, is there a little girls room in the hall?
Yvette: We, We, madam.
Mrs. Peacock: No, I just want to powder my nose, thank you.