Mr. Wilson: I don't want to see you, I don't want to know you. Get out of my way.

Mr. Wilson: Why is it when everyone else feasts on the pleasures of life, I get the indigestion?
Mrs. Wilson: Because you're an old grump!

Dennis: I brought my own pillow so I won't get my spit all over yours.
Mrs. Wilson: Thank you, Dennis.

Mr. Wilson: I can't stand that kid, he's a menace!!

Switchblade Sam: Put a cork in it, you're giving me a headache.
Dennis: I don't have a cork.
Switchblade Sam: Shut your mouth.
Dennis: I can't because my nose gets stuffed up. It's my allergies. If I keep my mouth closed I can't breathe good.
Switchblade Sam: Then keep your mouth open but don't talk.
Dennis: Where do you put the cork when you put a cork in it?
Switchblade Sam: Didn't I ask you to shut your yap?
Dennis: What's a yap?
Switchblade Sam: It's your mouth!
Dennis: I can't shut my mouth because my nose gets stuffy...
Switchblade Sam: SHUT UP!

Mr. Mitchell: Mr. Wilson, he's five.
Mr. Wilson: When I was five I had some respect.
Mr. Mictehll: Well you were probably a pretty exceptional boy.
Mr. Wilson: 1925? I wasn't the exception. I was the rule.

*On the subject of where babies come from and how they get out of mom*
Mrs. Wilson: Tell me, Dennis, how?
Dennis: The bellybutton. It opens up.
Mrs. Wilson: Then how come men have them?
Dennis: So they don't look weird in bathing suits.