Kenny’s friend: Swell, have my baby.
Swell: In your dreams babe.

Melissa: It’s not fair. Babysitters suck.

Mrs. Sturack: You can’t run a tight ship without rules.

Zack: Cynthia you’re my moon goddess.

Swell: Don’t you have any pride?
Kenny: No.

Rose: Where is Carolyn? Mouse brown hair, gives you a headache?
Swell: Talks like she's chewing her face?
Rose: That's her.

Zach: We told you to talk to her. We didn't want you to send her to the glue factory.
Swell: I didn't kill her, Zach! She died in her sleep.
Melissa: Probably choked on her whistle.

Kenny: Um...what should we do with her body?
Swell: Call an ambulance, call the cops, I don't know. Well, I mean they're gonna come and get her and they're gonna ask us a lotta questions...
Kenny: They'll probably blame us.
Swell: They'll definitely call Mom!
Melissa: SHE'LL blame us!
Kenny: Yeah, she'll hop the next flight home and then be in our faces!
Swell: I don't want Mom to come home.
Zach: I don't either.

Swell: Go get that tape measure thing out of the garage.
Kenny: Will you stop ordering us around? You're not the babysitter!
Swell: That's right, Kenny! The babysitter is dead!