Elizabeth: Mother, do you remember when I was little, I had a friend, he was make-believe?
Polly: No.
Elizabeth: Don't you remember? Only I could see him?
Polly: No, I don't remember Drop Dead Fred at all.

Fred: Well why don't we harpoon Charles straight throught the head, drag him back to the apartment, and hit him with a hammer until he agrees to come back?
Elizabeth: Harpoon him through the head. That won't work Fred.
Fred: Why not? How many times have you tried it?!

Fred: I can't believe we left the party so soon! And there was so much wine to spit around the place!
Elizabeth: I got upset.
Fred: "I got upset." God, you're so stupid. You never leave a party 'til the very very end!
Elizabeth: Oh really?
Fred: Yeah really.
Elizabeth: Well what about Cinderella? Remember what happened with her?
Fred: No I don't remember what happened *with her*. I deliberately forgot all about her. She made me puke. I remember the ugly stepsisters, they were great!

Young Elizabeth: Did they live happily ever after?
Polly: Of Course Elizabeth.
Young Elizabeth: How do you know?
Polly: Because, she was a good little girl, if she would have been naughty, the Prince would have run away.
Young Elizabeth: What a pile of shit.

Fred: Hold on, hold on that's now how the pigeons do it. You're supposed to stamp on her head and peck her.

Young Elizabeth: Daddy, why don't we throw mommy out the window? It won't hurt her. She'll land in the gladiolas.
Nigel: You shouldn't say things like that about your mother... She might cut your head off.