Dave: I want my own page in the yearbook.
Stoney: Jump off the gym, splatter on the street, and go for the co-ver.

Dave: Stoney I'm on to bigger and better things. Count on it.

Stoney to Dave: Don't you ever watch jeopardy?

Stoney: It's perserved. Like smuckers!

Dave: Stone, there's a guy buried in my pool.

Dave: This could mean fame or money or popularity.
Stoney: Far too much responsiblity for me. Anyways, I'm already popular.
Dave: Yeah. You travel in large groups of one, Stoney.

Dave: Matt Wilson? I mean, what a jerk! What does she see in him, anyway?
Stoney: Well, he's got the buff spikes chillin' on top of his melon, obviously, right?, - dude, he's checking her cheeks! oh oh! - he's got the serious beak, and his own personal holding company full of fundage, bro, that he weases off of ma... ma...
Dave: ... jor.
Stoney: 18-inch bi's - mine are only 4...
Dave: ...besides that.
Stoney: He walks like this, right? *struts in a manly fashion* Just like this, right? The nugs fully loose.

Stoney: Look, Dave, you're gonna have to just mellow out, bro, on this whole Robyn thing, she always shines you.
Dave: You don't understand, we have history.
Stoney: Hey, you had history, pre-freshman history, could've had her back then, man.
Dave: She hadn't hit babehood yet!

Dave: He melted...
Stoney: Dave, it wasn't meant to happen. Come on, I'll go buy you some ho-ho's.

Stoney: I'm not a geek, I'm a unique weasel.

Dave: Stop! Stop, where did you go? You just took off after school. Do you know how worried I've been?
Stoney: God, you sound like my mom.
Dave: God, you can't do that to me. What's on his nose?
Stoney: Just chill, Dave, 'cause you know why? Link and I had a stoney time at the mountain.
Dave: You took him to Mega Mountain, are you crazy?
Stoney: Yeah, 'cause they're ridin' the vapor in reverse.
Dave: They are?
Stoney: Uh, huh!
Dave: Oh, cool!
Link: Check out the fresh nugs, weasin' the juice...
Stoney, Link: Oooooooowwwwww! Buddy!