Raccoon mom: Hey kids... new people in the Loon's nest.
Raccoon: They have Illinois plates, mom.
Raccoon mom: If they're from Chicago, we'll be eating good.
Raccoon: Lobster Tails.
Raccoon mom: I shitload of raw hot dogs. You know what they're made of... lips and assholes.

Katie: Honey he's waving.
Roman: Oh, he's going.

Chet: You bastard!
Roman: What's he saying!?
Connie: Faster! He wants to go faster!

Raccoon: Rocks on top of the cans.
Raccoon: That never works.
Raccoon: We'll just knock the cans over.
Raccoon: Of course we will.
Raccoon: Can I stay up again and watch the big guy rake up all the mess?

Raccoon: Where are all the garbage cans?
Raccoon: He probably put them in the cabin.
Raccoon: Garbage cans in the cabin?
Raccoon: They're not the cleanist species on the face of the earth, you know. It's not a problem. We'll just have to break in.
Raccoon: Can we do that?
Raccoon: What do you think we have these wonderfully articulate fingers for? To scratch our asses?

Kammy: I want you to go back to Chicago, crazed, love sick maniac. You won't be able to look at another girl without comparing her to me.
Buck: Sounds good to me.

Roman: Race ya home.
Chet: You got it. Race ya home. Take care. Bye-bye. Race ya home. Why would he say race me home, he lives out in Oak Park.

Raccoon: Why's Jody sitting in the lake?
Raccoon: You didn't hear? She got shot in the ass!
Raccoon: Oh no! Don't tell me.
Raccoon: Yep. She's bald on both ends now!