Amanda: This is Grinnell, Iowa, my hometown. Where all my family and friends live. But I'm not there now. I'm here - New York City. Home to 8 million people. Roughly half of them are men. Which mean half of the city are Genetically Predisposed to lie to the other half. You see, I'm the woman who has the world's worst judgement in men. I know what you're thinking, you might think that you do, but yo don't. I do. My grade school boyfriend, Tommy, left me for someone with boobs. My high school boyfriend, Charlie, left me for someone who didn't have any boobs. That's all behind me now. I have a great job restoring paintings at the Metropolitan Musuem. I'm in the Renaissance Art Division. Where the men are easier to deal with.

Lisa: What's with you and this weak in the knees routine? You do it everytime you get a new painting.
Amanda: I do not. Not everytime.

Lisa: Amanda, it's a painting. If this was real life in two years that girl would be pregnant and that guy would be out banging a bar maid.

Lisa: Look busy.
Amanda: I am busy.
Lisa: Well, help me look busy.

Jim: Come on Hamlet. No mean no.

Security guard: He's a horney bastard, isn't he?
Amanda: I wouldn't know I just met him.
Security guard: I meant the dog.

Amanda: It was nice to meet you and your huge dong.

Holly: How much room do you need to sleep? But shoes, they need their space.

Holly: We have a lot of people interested, so what is it that you do?
Amanda: Oh, I work-
Holly: You work? I like you! Did I mention you're in the lead for the apartment? Amanda: Pet dingo?
Candi: Yeah, but my dad backed over it with a tractor.

Amanda: Oh my god, you're all models.
Roxana: Yeah.
Candi: Oh don't envy us. We're struggling.

Amanda: No, my boyfriend just left me for a model. *they gasp* It's not any of you.
Jade: I'm glad we don't have to go through that one again.

Jade: We don't pay. We're models.

Amanda: So why aren't you going out with them?
Candi: Oh I can't go out in public yet.

Candi: Mr Fish Tank? His name is Jim Winston, but his head doesn't always look that big. It's just the water that makes it look that way.
Amanda: How do you know?
Candi: Oh I know a lot about water. Australia is an island you know.

Candi: *about a look* I use to see it all the time when I catch my uncle Pete looking at me.

Jim: Hamlet diffintely seems to like you.
Amanda: You mean he doesn't just tackle anybody?
Jim: No, he tackles everybody, but he only drools on his favorites.

Amanda: I've got the runs. I mean, I've got to run. *walks away* Oh my God. I've got the runs?

Roxana: Isn't that the new CK girl?
Jade: Uh-huh. She's cute.
Holly: You know, I heard they gave here eleven million dollars.
Amanda: She looks fourteen, though.
Holly: Hello?
Holly, Jade, Roxana: She's twelve.

Amanda: Well I am, but only to prove to you he has one huge flaw.
Candi: How do you know that?
Amanda: Because I'm attracted to him.

Amanda: Ok, there's the flaw. He has a love child.
Candi: Well, who's that woman that walked in?
Amanda: He can't have a love child without a lover and that scumbag invited me out to coffee.
Holly: Then how do you explain the husband looking guy with the baby puch strapped to his chest?
Amanda: A little menage-a-trois action. I beat they don't know which one the father is.

Amanda: Seems sweet, unfortunately we're about to find out is that they're underage prositutes dressed as catholic school girls. See he's giving them money.
Jade: I think the money is for all those candy bars he's buying.
Amanda: This little whores are good. They even bring the props.

Candi: He's Mr. Perfect.
Amanda: A little to perfect maybe. Gay perfect.

Jim: I thought I told you to get those knees looked at.

Candi: Did someone scream? Tempoary blindness has improved my hearing.

Roxana: Hey Amanda? If you find a 20 dollar bill on the floor of someone else's apartment is it the same as if you find it in the street?
Amanda: No.
Roxana: Then I haven't found anything.

Jade: Oh Amanda, I was talking to my shrink this morning and she said you were projecting. What you thought you saw what Jim did through the window was actually your own desire to kill all your ex-boyfriends.
Amanda: Why are you talking to your therapist about me?
Jade: Well, she said I talked way to much about myself.

Gladys: I'm a gonna have red beans for supper.

Candi: No props and no clothes. Uncle Petes rules.
Roxana: Ew!
Jade: No more stories from the dark farm, OK Candi?

Lisa: So you're Jim? The Jim.
Jim: Nice to know I was talked about.

Lisa: Hey just curious. Did the police ever contact that women or ever find her body?

Jade: I'm getting hives just from being around these ugly people.

Amanda: I searched his apartment and i know him... intimately.
Roxana: Honey, you left the blinds open. We all know him intimatley.

Candi: If they get married, I'll do the shower.
Jade: I'll do the pictures.
Roxana: I do groomsmen.

Jim: *his real name* Smoot. Bob Smoot.

Alfredo: Models with attitude. I like it.

Candi: *about the painting* Why does he only have one eye?
Lisa: That's because you're looking at the side of his face.