Maggie: Shoes like this should not be locked up in a closet! You should be living a life of scandal. You should be getting screwed in an alley behind a club by a billionaire while his wife waits in the car and he told her he just forgot his wallet!
Rose: Please tell me you just made that up.

*Rose has just caught her sister and her boyfriend in bed together*
Rose: I liked you... I really liked you. She won't even remember your name. Probably can't even spell it. *to her sister* Can you, Maggie? Come on, sound it out. Juh-imm. Jim. Oh, she's pretty, this one... but real stupid.
Maggie: Shut up, you fat pig!
Rose: Did you honestly just say, "Fat pig"? You're my sister... and the best you can do is "fat pig"? *slams Maggie against the wall with her garbage bag of clothes* Get out of my life!

Rose: My Marsha's vagina is made of diamonds.
Maggie: Oh, well my Marsha's vagina is so perfect, it should be put in a museum.

Mr. Feller: Well, Sydelle and Marsha aren't on very good terms right now.
Rose: What, did she decorate a room in last season's colors?
Mr. Feller: No. She joined Jews for Jesus.

Rose: What are you doing here?
Maggie: I live here. What are you doing here?
Rose: You live here? In an old folks home?
Maggie: It's a retirement community for active seniors.

Rose: Why can't I just stay mad at you?
Maggie: Because we're a pair. Like... Sonny and Cher.
Rose: They broke up.
Maggie: But they remained quite close.

Maggie: I carry your heart with me, I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart, I am never without it, anywhere I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling, I fear No fate, for you are my fate, my sweet, I want No world, for beautiful you are my world, my true, Here is the deepest secret nobody knows, here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud, and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide, And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart.

Amy: Which one are you crying about, the predatory prick or the shit-for-brains tramp? Because neither one deserves your tears.