Heather: John and I belong together. He's the varsity captain, and after all, I AM the head cheerleader.
Beth: Excuse me, what kind of cheerleader did you say?

Beth: I was so depressed I couldn't even enjoy the break-up sex.
the girls: *the girls stare at Beth* Oh my gosh. I'm such a slut! *bumps her head on the wall* OW!

John to Scott: Not deep? I am deep! I'm going out with the poetry club!

Carrie: You know what, that was no accident!
Heather: He's mine! *pushes Carrie* Stay away from him! *Carrie slaps Heather*
Beth: *tries to break Carrie and Heather up* Girls, peace and love! C'mon you guys are fighting over...
Heather: We're fighting over John Tucker, he's mine!
Beth: *throws volleyball at Heather* OH!
Heather: What the hell is your problem?
Beth: I am dating John Tucker.
*Heather throws a volleyball at Beth but Beth ducks, it hits Kate instead, and Carrie and Beth slap each other*
Coach Williams: ENOUGH! Let's get back in the game.
*Beth pushes Carrie, then Heather pushes Beth. Coach Williams tries to break up the fight. Carrie throws the volleyball that was supposed to get Beth and Heather, but gets Coach Williams instead. The crowd groans*
Carrie: Sorry Coach!
*Heather throws a bag of volleyballs at Beth, but gets Kate in the stomach instead*
Carrie: Just let me get through.
Coach Williams: PUT THOSE BALLS DOWN!
*Heather throws the same bag of volleyballs and hits Beth. Beth in return throws random volleyballs, one hitting Carrie and one hitting Kate. Then Beth rolls the whole cart of volleyballs and it knocks over Carrie, Heather, Kate, and Coach Williams like bowling pins. Beth lunges herself on Heather. Heather, Beth, and Carrie fight on the gym floor*
Kate: *blows Coach Williams' whistle* This guy is cheating on all of you and instead of taking it out on him, you are beating the shit out of each other?
Coach Williams: LANGUAGE! *gets up, angrily* DETENTION! You, you, you, and YOU! *points toall four girls*

Kate: Hydrogen and Oxygen walk into a bar and see Gold... they say Au, get outta here!
Scott: Um...
Kate: Because Au is the atomic symbol for Gold...

Scott to Kate: Well, my mom says I'm special on the inside.

Heather: *into the camera* Hasta la vista mutha f...
Carrie: Will you please stop rhyming?

Kate: John Tucker, there's only one guy out there for me, but you are not him.

Skip #1: I
Skip #2: am
Skip #3: going
Skip #4: to
Skip #5: be
Skip #1: your
Skip #2: new
Skip #6: FAZZA!

John: So did you like the flowers?
Kate: Sure, if you're into that kinda thing.
John: Well, cuz, you know, I didn't get a call...
Kate: I didn't have a pen.

Carrie: It's not that hard, uhm... when he speaks to you count to three in your head before you answer him.
Heather: Dont show any interest. Don't even look at him too much.
Carrie: Yeah yeah. You got it? *long pause* I said you got it?
Kate: I was counting to three!
Beth: Not that slowly! We don't what him to think your retarded!

Kate: I don't get it. I mean, these girls all seem so confident and cool. How do they not know that John's cheating on all of them?
Crying Waitress: He's a total operator. He goes out with girls from different cliques so that they never actually talk to each other. And then he tells them that his father won't let him date during basketball season so they'll have to keep it a secret.
Kate: How'd you learn all this stuff?
Crying Waitress: *sobbing* I don't know, just a guess. *runs away crying*

Carrie: *sees the entire basketball team wearing thongs* Unbelievable.
Beth: *on phone, angrily* I'd hit him with my car if he didn't make the body cast a fashion statement.