Juno: It all started with a chair.

Rollo: You better pay for that pee-stick when you're done with it. Don't think it's yours just because you marked it with your urine!

Rollo: That ain't no etch-a-sketch. This is one doodle that can't be un-did, homeskillet.

Leah: Maybe it's a food baby, did you have a big lunch?
Juno: This is not a food baby, all right? I've taken like three pregnancy tests and I am for shizz up the spout.

Punk Receptionist: Free condom? They're boysenberry.
Juno: No, thanks. I'm off sex right now.
Punk Receptionist: My boyfriend wears them every time we have intercourse, it makes his junk smell like pie.

Juno: I could like, have this baby and give it to someone who like totally needs it.
Leah: You should look in the PennySaver.
Juno: They have ads for parents?
Leah: Yeah! 'Desperately Seeking Spawn.'

Mac: Who's the father?
Juno: It's... it's Paulie Bleeker. *everyone stares* What?
Mac: I didn't think he had it in him.
Leah: I know, right?

Mac: Did you see that coming?
Bren: Yeah... but I was hoping she was expelled, or into hard drugs.
Mac: Or DWI... anything but this.

Juno: Can't we just like kick this old school. You know, like I stick the baby in a basket, send it your way, like Moses and the reeds?

Juno: You should've gone to China, you know, 'cause I hear they give away babies like free iPods. You know, they pretty much just put them in those t-shirt guns and shoot them out at sporting events.

Juno: If I could just have the thing and give it to you now, I totally would. But I'm guessing it looks, probably like a sea monkey right now, and I should let it get a little cuter.

Vanessa: Your parents are probably wondering where you are.
Juno: Nah... I mean, I'm already pregnant, so what other kind of shenanigans could I get into?

Juno: You're like... the coolest person I've ever met - and you don't even have to try?
Paulie: Actually I try really hard.

Paulie: I still have your underwear.
Juno: I still have your virginity.
Paulie: Shut up.

Juno to Vanessa: You should try talking to it. 'Cause, like, supposedly they can hear you even though it's all, like, ten-thousand leagues under the sea.

Mac: *a very pregnant Juno enters the room* Hey there, big puffy version of Junebug!

Juno: I think I'm, like, in love with you.
Paulie: You mean as friends?
Juno: No, I mean, like, for real. 'Cause you're, like, the coolest person I've ever met, and you don't even have to try, you know...
Paulie: I try really hard, actually.

Juno: Uh, dad?
Mac: Yeah?
Juno: Either I just wet my pants... or...
Mac: "Or"...?
Juno: Or... THUNDERCATS ARE GO!

Vanessa: How do I look?
Bren: Like a new mom. Scared shitless.

Juno: As far as boyfriends go, Paulie Bleeker is totally boss. He is the cheese to my macaroni.