Kimble: No no no no no
Girl: What's the matter?
Kimble: I have a headache.
Lowell: It might be a toumer.
Kimble: It's not a touma. It's not a touma.

Girl: My dad repairs cars driven by women who are pinheads.

Boy: My dad doesn't do anything since the crash.

Lowell: My dad doesn't live with us anymore. He lives in New York and drives a taxi. My mom hopes he dies real soon.

Twins: Our mom says our dad is a real sex machine.

Kimble: Excuse me I forgot to introduce myself. My name is John Kimble and I love my car. (reloads gun)

Guy: So who are you man? (loads) Shit.
Kimble: I'm the party pooper.

Kimble: I've been a cop for 12 years. Father was a cop, brother was a cop, mother was a cop. No wife, and I have no hobbies.

Mom #1: I don't want him to see me without my makeup.
Mom #2: None of us are wearing makeup.
Mom #1: You're married. You're aloud to look like slobs.

Mom #1 kid: Are you married Mr. Kimble?
Kimble: No I'm not.
Kid: HE'S NOT MARRIED MOM!!

Crisp: You know what to do?
Mrs. Crisp: I'm your mother, aren't I?

Little boy: Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina.

Joyce: You know kindergarten is like the ocean. You don't want to turn your back on it.

Mrs. Crisp: Where's my grandson?
Kimble: I don't know.
Mrs. Crisp: Where's my grandson?
Kimble: Go to hell.

Phoebe: You're not so tough without your car are ya?

Lowell: Ah oh! They're going to do it.