(Jack Slater as Hamlet)
Hamlet: Hey Claudius! You killed my father! Big mistake!
Narrator: Something is rotten in the state of Denmark, and Hamlet is taking out the trash.
Old Man: Stay thy hand, fair prince.
Hamlet shooting him: Who said I'm fair?
Narrator: No one is going to tell this sweet prince good night.
Hamlet: To be or not to be? Not to be.

(Danny is watching the bad guys on the screen)
Danny: You are gonna pay... Oooh, you gonna pay!

Danny: You think you are funny, don't you?
Jack : I know I am. I'm the famous comedian Arnold Braunschweiger.
Danny: Schwarzenegger!
Jack: Gesundheit.

Jack: I'll be back! Ha! You didn't know I was gonna say that, did you?
Danny: That's what you always say!
Jack: I do?

Jack Slater: Could I speak to the drug dealer of the house, please?

Danny: OK, I got one. What about this girl right here. She is way too attractive to be working in a video store.
Jack: I agree with you. I think she should be working with us ... under cover of course.

Danny: Where are the ordinary, everyday women?! They don't exist because this is a movie!
Jack: No, this is California.

Jack: Kid! Who does the doctor treat?
Danny: Patients?
Jack: Look at the elbow of my jacket. What is it doing?
Danny: Wearing thin?
Jack: Bingo!

Whitney: FREEZE! Lose the guns or I redecorate in brain-matter gray, got it?

Danny: Chicken it is...

(Dead assassin tumbles of Jack's closet)
Danny: How'd you know someone was in there?
Jack: There's always someone in there. It costs me a fortune in closet doors.

Jack: And Whitney! Why can't she be like every other teenager. For prom night she stayed home and field stripped an AK-47.

Danny: Man, are you an idiot. You made the classic movie mistake: don't explain so much!

Benedict: If God was a villain, he’d be me.