Mae: Mae that's more than a name, it's an attitude.

Announcer: Well, bite my butt and call me an apple.

Jimmy to the Ump: Did anyone ever tell you, you look like a penis with a little hat on?

Helen: Has anyone seen my new red hat?
Dottie: Oh, piss on your hat Helen!
Helen: Well, that was uncalled for.

Capadino: You know, if I had your job, I'd kill myself.

Jimmy: I hurt my knee.
Harvey: You fell out of a hotel. That is how you hurt it
Jimmy: Well, there was a fire.
Harvey: A fire that you started and that I had to pay for.
Jimmy: Well, I was going to send you a note thanking you for that Mr. Harvey, but I wasn't allowed anything sharp to write with.

Capdino: You see, the way it works is, the train moves, not the station.

Capdino: Hey Cowgirls, see the grass? Don't eat it.

Dottie: Huh?
Capdino: Nice retort.

Dottie: You know something? You're not nice.
Capdino: Oh, that one hurt.

Cow: Mooooo!
Capdino: Will you shut up!

Lady: Sir your knee.
Capdino: Like it?

Capdino: You promise your cows you'd write?

Jimmy: Anything worth doing is worth doing right.

Dolores: Mae don't use my bat, use Marla's it's heavier!

Evelyn: She reminds me of my husband.

Dolores: Where did you get that dress?
Mae: I borrowed it.
Dolores: It don't fit you Mae, it's to tight.
Mae: I don't plan on wearing it that long.
Dolores: Oh, I don't know why you get dressed at all.

Dottie: Can we just hold each other the rest of our lives?
Bob: That's my plan.

Dolores: I'm so depressed, I could eat a cow.

Kit: You guys be good. Get dirty.

Dottie: Kit stay off of those high ones.
Kit: I like the high ones.
Dottie: Mule!
Kit: Nag!