Boutique Saleswoman: There's nothing I love better than a dumb blonde with Daddy's credit card.

Warner: If I want to be elected Senator by the time I'm 30, I need to marry a Jackie, not a Marilyn.

Elle: You're breaking up with me because I'm too... blonde!

Elle: Because I'm not a Vanderbilt, suddenly I'm white trash? I grew up in Bel Air, Warner! Across the street from Aaron Spelling. I think most people would agree that's a lot better than some stinky old Vanderbilt!

Elle: This is what I need to become!
Old Lady: What? Practically deformed?
Elle: No, a law student!

Elle's Mother: Honey, you were First Runner-Up at the "Miss Hawaiian Tropics" contest. Why are you going to throw that all away?
Elle: Going to Harvard is the only way I'm going to get the love of my life back.
Elle's Father: Oh, sweetheart, you don't need law school. Law school is for people who are boring and ugly and serious. And you, button, are none of those things.

Elle: I don't need back-ups. I'm going to Harvard.
C.U.L.A. Advisor: Well then, you'll need excellent recommendations from your professors.
Elle: Okay.
C.U.L.A. Advisor: And a heck of an admissions essay.
Elle: Right.
C.U.L.A. Advisor: And at least a 175 on your LSATs.
Elle: I once had to judge a tighty-whitey contest for Lambda Kappa Pi. Trust me, I can handle anything.

Elle: I'm studying the LSAT's.
Serena: My cousin had that once. It makes you really bad down there.

Elle: It has come to my attention that the maintenance staff is switching our toilet paper from Charmin...to generic. All those opposed to chafing, please say "Aye".
Entire Sorority Group: Aye!

Elle: Hi! I'm Elle Woods and this is Bruiser Woods. We're both Gemini vegetarians.

Elle: And last week I saw Cameron Diaz at Fred Segal, and I talked her out of buying this truly heinous angora sweater. Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed.

Warner: You got into Harvard Law?
Elle: What? Like, it's hard?

Paulette: Is she as pretty as you?
Elle: She could use some mascara and some serious highlights, but otherwise, she's not completely unfortunate looking.

Paulette: So what's a girl to do? He's a guy who followed his pecker to greener pastures. I'm a middle aged, high school drop out with stretch marks and a fat ass.

Vivian: Nice costume.
Elle: You too. Except that when I dress up as a frigid bitch, I try to look a little less constipated.

Elle: Did you see him? He's probably still scratching his head!
Paulette: Yeah, which must be a nice vacation for his balls.

Professor Callahan: Do you think she woke up one morning and said: I think I'll go to law school today.

Elle: Oh Warner, do you remember when we spent those four amazing hours in the hot tub together after winter formal?
Warner: Uhh, ye...no
Elle: Well this is so much better than that. Excuse me, I have some shopping to do!

Elle: Exercise makes endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't kill their husbands. They just don't.

Brooke: A Delta Nu would never sleep with a man in a thong, I just like to watch him change the filter.

Professor Stromwell: If you are going to let one prick get in your way, you're not the girl I thought you were!

Elle: The rules of hair care are simple and finite. Any Cosmo girl would have known!