*Sharp, posing as an assistant cheerleading coach, is looking down at a game*
Binky Beauregard: Where's your happy face?
Roland Sharp: This is my happy face!

Captain Nichols: *the girls have been fawning over mugshot books* I now know the hottie rating of every ex-convict in the western United States.

Sharp: I gave up alcohol about ten years ago.
Molly: Didn't like yourself when you were drinking, huh?
Sharp: Hell, I loved myself when I was drinking. It was the other people that had the problem!

Teresa: What is that?
Sharp: The Carnivore. Pepperoni, sausage, ground beef, ham and olive loaf all gathered together in one savory pie. With jalepenos. Want some?
Heather: Yes. No!
Sharp: Extra thick crust.
Anne: I can't, I'm on the zone.
Sharp: What zone?
Anne: The proper combination of protein, fat and carbohydrates.
Sharp: This combination here is proper as hell.
Barb: I'm a total Atkins girl.
Evie: I'm on Weight Watchers, you'll probably blow all your daily points with just one bite.
Sharp: This baby has one point and one point only, and that is tasting good.

Teresa: We were about to go all Buffy on their gringo asses.