Stump: Hey everybody, welcome to Bull Mountain, a slice of heaven nestled in the cleavage of Alaska's High Country. It all started when a young buck named Herbert Muntz saw the promise of a new life and staked his claim to it the old-fashioned way - he stole it from the Eskimos. Round these parts, he became known as "papa." Each year, Papa would say thank you by droppin' his britches and blazing down the Mountain bare-assed. In one of his famous "moon-shine" runs, Papa loved to ski, and Papa loved to drink, but most of all, Papa loved to ski and drink, at the same time. Last year, he dided with his boots on.
Papa: Bull Mountain, don't go changin'!
Stump: And not much else. Nowadays, Papa's boy runs the mountain, but us locals still carry on the free-wheelin spirit of Papa's life. You could say that this mountain's a lot like a woman. Just when you think you know every inch of her and you're about to dip your skis into some soft deep powder, bam! You got two broken legs, cracked ribs, then you pay your 20 bucks just to let her punch your left ticket all over again.

Jenny to Eric: Are you sniffin' me?

Lance about Jenny: If I was her I'd be getting with every dude on this mountain.

Pig Pen: Did somebody just say King of the Mountain? Mountain, mountain, mountain.

Luke: Good evening. You all know the rules of King of the Mountain. Rule #1: You do not talk about King of the Mountain.
Everyone: Ohh!
Luke: Rule #2: There are no rules.
Anthony: Ah...what about rule #1?
Luke: That's more of a guideline than a rule. Do not interrupt! And Now the threepeat champion of King of the Mountain, Rick Rambis. Richard?
Rick: Ok. Here's how it works. Everyone must have a beer. Beer? Ok. It's a race to the bottom. The first one to the statue of Papa Muntz with the most beer in your glass - Pig Pen *takes a drink* - shall be proclaimed this year's King of the Mountain. Ans as an added bonus, you also win the contents of Eric's stolen wallet. Which are, Luke?
Luke: Two bucks, a condom, expiration date 1997, and a picture of his grandma - no! That's Nancy Reagon. Nancy Reagon.
Pig Pen: Yes!
Rick: But most importantly, pushing, shoving, and cheating are encouraged.

Jenny: The general rule of thumb is one week of mourning for every 6 months you were together, so you were together, what, two weeks?
Rick: Three weeks.

Rick: So, you still want to hook up?
Jenny: You gotta try a lot harder than that, Rick.
Rick: *softer* So...you still want to hook up?

Pig Pen: *Luke is asleep* I'm gonna need a bucket, a paint brush, and ten pounds of salt. Lance, get his pants.

Ted to Majors: You want to rename the mountain?

Luke: Can you get an STD from a Polar Bear?

Rick: Pig Pen, when I want advice about a good Planet of the Apes film or maybe how to get the resin out of my bong, I'll come to you, ok? But I am not gonna take romantic advice from somebody who cannot spell romantic or advice...or bong.

Pig Pen: Carpe the Diem! Seize the carpe.
Luke: Seize the carpe?
Pig Pen: What? *Luke hits him* Ow!

Stump: Hey Pig Pen ever been on one of those Lesbian chat rooms?
Pig Pen: Are they good?
Stump: I don't know.

Lance: Man, I love chicks. Chicks love me so it's all good.

Stump: Oh you foolish, foolish boys. This is how it starts. I've seen it all before. I was there. I was there. Yeah. It was called the eighties. Ford was President, Nixon was in the White House, and FDR was runnin' this country into the ground. I was bummin' in a hole-in-the-wall town in what is now called Utah. Some fella from Colorado shows up, starts makin' so-called improvements, right? Well, 'bore we knew what hit us, the streets are runnin' with latte.
Rick: No!
Stump: Yup. It got so bad that a fellow that liked to, you know, smoke a little grass or drink a little ripple, crow like a rooster, maybe challenge the mayor's son to a gentleman's duel was uncouth, against God. More like bad real estate values. Stumpy had to go. Richard, be careful what you wish for.

Rick: Of all the bars and ski towns in Alaska, why did she have to come to this one?

Inga: Where did you get these scars?
Luke: Oh. Let's see. *starts pointing at them* Skateboard...truck accident... and a fire hydrant.
Inga: I bet each one has it's own exciting story, no?
Luke: No, not really. I skateboarded off a truck into a fire hydrant.

Luke: No brains, no headaches.

Luke: I got molested by a hot tub last night. It's a long story.

Luke: No regrets, that's my motto. Well... that and everyone Wang Chung tonight.

Eric: Talk to the horn.

Lance: I always wanted to be a flight attendant.
Luke: Are you showing a movie today?
Lance: Yup.
Luke: It's not Alive, is it?

Rick: Let's put Papa Muntz back where he belongs.

Stump: Rick, I'm your father. Haha.
Rick: Ok, whatever.

Majors: So there's a few bad apples, so my daughter's a whore, but this a good deal.

Rick: You don't need to do that any more, remember Lance?
Lance: Oh yeah. Sorry. Force of habit. Oh what the hell - I LOVE MEN! Who wants me?
Rick: Well you don't need to do that either...