Del: Like your work, love your wife.

Neal: You're like one of those Chatty Cathy dolls except I'm not pulling the string, you are. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Neal: Del... Why did you kiss my ear?
Del: Why are you holding my hand?
Neal: Where are your other hand?
Del: Between two pillows.
Neal: Those AREN'T PILLOWS!!!

Neal: What do you suppose the temperature is?

Del: One.

Car Rental Agent: I really don't care for the way you're speaking to me.
Neal: And I really don't care for the way your company left me in the middle of fu--ing nowhere with fu--ing keys to a fu--ing car that isn't fu--ing there. And I really didn't care to fu--ing walk down a fu--ing highway and across a fu--ing runway to get back here to have you smile at my fu--ing face. I want a fu--ing car RIGHT FU--ING NOW!
Car Rental Agent: May I see your rental agreement.
Neal: I threw it away.
Car Rental Agent: Oh boy.
Neal: Oh boy what?
Car Rental Agent: You're fu--ed!

Del: Was that seat hot or what? I feel like a Whopper. Turn me over, I'm done and ready. I'm afraid to look at my ass. There'll be grill marks.

Police Officer: What the hell are you driving here?
Del: We had a small fire last night, but we caught it in a nick of time.
Police Officer: Do you have any idea how fast you were going?
Del: Funny enough, I was just talking to my friend about that. Our speedometer has melted and as a result it's very hard to see with any degree of accuracy exactly how fast we were going.