Mia: Somebody sat on me again.

Lily: What?
Mia: Wha?
Lily: You never saw two idiots exchange saliva before?
Mia: Oh yeah. They're so rude.
Lily: Good. You know, for a second there, I thought you were going a-crowd on me.
Mia: Oh hehe, negative.

Helen: Oh you're grandmother called.
Mia: What?
Helen: The live one.

Clarisse: You look so young.
Mia: Thank you. You look so...clean.

Mia: Yeah sure. My father was the Prince of Genovia? Ah huh. You're joking.
Clarisse: Why would I joke about something like that?
Mia: No! No, cause if he's really a prince than I...
Clarisse: Exactly, you're not just Amelia Thermopolis. You Amelia Mignonette Thermopolis Renaldi, Princess of Genovia.
Mia: Me? A Princess? Shut up!!
Clarisse: I beg your pardon? Shut up?
Waitor: Your majesty, in America, it doesn't always mean to be quiet. Here it could mean "wow! Gee whiz. Golly wolly".

Mia: Rule? No, no, no, no. Now you really got the wrong girl. I never lead anybody. Not at... not at Brownie's, not at campfire girls. Um...Queen Clarisse my expectation in life is to be invisible and I'm good at it.

Mia: For fifteen years you couldn't find a spare moment to tell me my father is a royal?
Helen: I thought I was doing the right thing.

Mia: Just in case I'm not enough of a freak already, let's add an tiara!

Mia: Fat Louie, you are so lucky you don't know who you're parents are.

Helen: So the future of your country is in the hands of my fifteen year old.

Mia: Well, as always this is as good as it gets.

Helen: Mia, the-the three of us have to talk.
Mia: Oh, ok. Um, is there maybe something else about me and my life that just maybe I might want to know about? Um-oh no, are you two waiting to take me on a talk show somewhere and to let me know I have a twin sister who's a duchess?
Clarisse: You have a cousin who's a contessa. Fondly known as Bartholomew. Actually, we call him Pookie.

Clarisse: Where is she going?
Helen: The tower. Mia! You can't run from everything!
Clarisse: She has a tower?

Helen: This is getting us nowhere! Talk to me!
Mia: I can't talk to you right now. I'm late for a meeting with my guidance counselor.
Clarisse: I'm late for a meeting with Spain and Portugal!

Mia: You know most kids ask for a car for their birthday, not a country.

Mia: Joseph, can we eighty-six the flags please?
Joe: No. The flags allow me to park anywhere. We keep the flags.
Mia: Sorry, Joseph.
Joe: You can call me, "Joe".
Mia: "Joey"? *Giggles*
Joe: *Chuckles then abruptly turns serious* No. Joe.

Mia: I can't do this, I'm a girl.
Gym Teacher Harbula: What am I? A duck?

Lily: Did I miss something? Are we going to a wedding?

Lily: You know you look like Shaft.

Mia: Hey Joe? Can we park a block away from school? I really don't want to cause a riot with this hearse.
Joe: This is a non-riot hearse. And if it were a hearse there would be silence in the backseat.

Announcement: This is a reminder: Virtual homework shall now be submitted for credit.

Fontana: Tell me Mia. Is it true about your speech? Are you really speaking at the bulimic convention?
Lana: So you can speak and barf at the same time?

Doc: Yeah I know. It costs to be cool, huh?

Doc: You sweet on her?
Michael: She's my sister's best friend.
Doc: Yeah which is the hardest place to be. Between friend and friendlier.

Clarisse: Amelia, does your baad posture affect your hearing?

Clarisse: Who has nails like these?
Mia: Everybody.

Joe: Strange town San Francisco. When I purchased the pumps, they asked if I wanted them wrapped or I wanted to wear them.

Joe: I've never put on pantyhos, but it sounds dangerous.

Joe: This is between a waltz and a tango.
Mia: It's a wango?

Mia: Grandma, I spun without hurting anyone.

Lily: What, has your grandma turned into the big bad wolf?
Mia: You broke my glasses.
Paolo: You broke my brush.

Paolo: If Brooke Shields married Groucho Marx their child would have your eyebrows!

Lily: Oy! Who destroyed you?

Lily: You're morphing into one of them! Next week you'll be waving pom-poms in my face!

Mia: You'll never guess what Josh Bryant just asked me!
Michael: "Can I borrow a comb"?

Helen: That Backstreet boy clone you've had a crush on for years?

Michael: Don't worry about me. I just consider myself royally flushed.

Michael: Why me?
Mia: Because you saw me when I was invisible.