Eli: I always wanted to be a Tenenbaum.
Royal: Me too, me too.

Ethel: How long have you been a smoker?
Margot: 22 years.
Ethel: Well I think you should quit.

Royal: Anyone want to get some cheeseburgers and hit the cemetery?

Eli: I'm not in love with you any more.
Margot: I didn't ever know that you were.
Eli: Let's not make this any more difficult than it already is.

Royal to Pagoda: That's the last time you put a knife in me! Y'hear me?

Young Margot: Are you getting a divorce?
Royal: Well, it doesn't really look good.
Young Margot: Is it our fault?
Royal: Well, we had to make sacrifices in order to have children but no.

Chas: Is it dark?
Richie: Of course it's dark. It's a suicide note.

Royal: I thought I'd start by taking you out to visit your grandmother.
Richie: God, I haven't been out there in years.
Margot: I've never been at all. I was never invited.
Royal: Well she wasn't your real grandmother, and I didn't know how much interest you had. But you're invited now!

Royal: *points to Pagoda* He saved my life, you know. Thirty years ago. I was knifed at a bar in Calcutta, and he carried me to the hospital on his back.
Ari: Who stabbed you?
Royal: *points to Pagoda again* He did. There was a price on my head, and he was a hired assassin. Stuck me in the gut with a shiv.

Margot: I think we should secretly be in love with each other and leave it at that.

Royal: The past six days have been the best six days of probably my whole life.
Narrator: Immediately after making this statement, Royal realized that it was true.

Raleigh: Are you ever coming home?
Margot: Maybe not.
Raleigh: Well then I just want to die.