Peggy: I'm weird.
Maggie: I'm weird.
Peggy: No. You're quirky.

Peggy (about her husbands radio show): Wake up with Flem.

Grandma: I like his tight butt.
Maggie: Grandma.
Grandma: Well, I do.

Ike: Hey, don't knock drunks in bars! It means they're not out driving.

(Maggie has just left Ike standing at the altar, and has jumped aboard a Federal Express truck.)
Ellie: Where is she going?
Fisher: I don't know, but she'll be there by 10:30 tomorrow morning.

Maggie: You're a cynical, explotive, mean-hearted creep who wouldn't know real love if it bit him in the armpit.

Maggie: Look, I guarantee that we'll have tough times. And I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us will want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine I'll regret it for the rest of my life. Because I know in my heart, you're the only one for me.