Sam: Her father was very, very rich, and very, very sick. The doctors assured me he'd be dead any minute. There wasn't a second to loose. I rushed right out and married the bosses daughter. He was so sick, it was like the angel of death was sitting in the room with him, watching the clock. They pulled the plug on him. He wiezed and shook for about an hour. And then he stabalized. That son of a bitch just got older and sicker, and older and sicker, and older and sicker...
Barbara: Oh my God. I've been upducted by Huey and Duey.
Barbara: My husband worships the ground I walk on! When he hears about this, he'll explode!!
Ken: I mean, what the hell's the sense of being a decent person when nobody else is. Let's be assholes and get rich.
Sandy: It was $500,000.
Barbara: That shouldn't be a problem.
Sandy: He complained.
Barbara: Complained?
Sandy: Then we dropped the price to $50,000
Barbara: Yeah?
Sandy: He didn't pay.
Barbara: He didn't pay? So now what?
Sandy: So now we're dropping our price again to $10,000.
Barbara: Do I understand this correctly? I'm being marked down? What is this, the bargain basement? I've been kidnapped by Kmart.
Sandy: I got to get out of here.
Ken: My wife, she's late for work.
Barbara: So if I look like his mother and you look like his father. This would what our son would look like. Pretty strong argument for birth control.
Ken: Who the hell are you? What the hell is going on?
Earl: I'm robbing you!
Ken: Stop him.
(gunshot at Earl's car)
Earl: Did you just shoot at me?
Ken: No you moron. There's police all over the place. Hundreds of them.
Earl: Do I look that stupid?
Ken: Yes you do.
Earl: If you shot at me, where's your gun?
Ken: Well, you're to sharp for me. You got me figured out. I don't have one.
(gun shot again, but breaks tire open)
Earl: That was a brand new tire. Give me your keys.
Ken: I don't believe this.
Lt. Bender: Give the bag to bozo, drop the gun, and put your hands in the air.
Earl: Who said that?
Lt. Walters: This could very well be the stupidest person on the face of the earth. Perhaps we should shoot him.
Lt. Bender: It's the police department.
Earl: Really?
Lt. Bender: No, we're the National Rifle Association.
