Elf: They're coming right at us.
Bernard: Take us to Elf Con 3.

Santa/Scott: I got to get married?
Bernard: Yes. It's the mrs. Clause.
Santa/Scott: What if I don't want to get married?
Curtis: Oh, dear. The de-santafication process has begun!

Santa/Scott: Apparently it's called the Mrs. Clause.
Mother Nature: Don't mess with me Santa. I'm pre-El Nino.
Santa/Scott: No. I'm not messing with anybody.

Santa/Scott: Nonesense. A lot of people have reindeer.
Lucy: Name five.
Santa/Scott: Well...most of them live in Finland.

Charlie: Seeing isn't believing, believing is seeing.

Fake Santa: You are a sad, strange little man.