Wallace: Roy, you just blew the shit out of the fruit.

Lo Fong: There are some things about the Chinese and that is we do not renegotiate our deals.

Indian Chief: Why is he wearing a dress?

Chon Wang: Where is Carson City?
Indian Cheif: Now he's saying it slower like that's going to help. I still don't know what the hell he's talking about.
Indian: Pass him the peace pipe, maybe that will shut him up.
*After a while* This is is some pretty powerful shit.

Wife: They don't look like any Injuns I've ever seen, Jedediah.
Jedediah: That's because they're not Injuns woman! They're jews!

Van Cleef: How do you survive out here?
Roy: What's that suppose to mean?

Lo Fong: Now it's time for you to die.
Chon Wang: Adios partner.

Princess Pei Pei: Father, is this my husband-to-be? He's a toad. If the Emperor is so fond of him, why doesn't he marry him?

Chon Wang: Why don't I pretend I'm sick, and then you can attack them when they come in?
Roy: Oh, does the sick prisoner routine still work in China? 'Cause here, it's been done to death.

Chon Wang: See! I told you it would work!
Roy: No, you said "wet shirt not break," not "piss shirt bend bar"!

Roy: Ooooh... who's the pretty lady?
Chon Wang: That's my wife!
Roy: How long you been in this country?
Chon Wang: Four days.
Roy: Nice work.

Roy: My name's Roy O'Bannon.
Chon Wang: Chon Wang.
Roy: "John Wayne"? That's a terrible cowboy name. That's not going to work. And neither is the ponytail.

Van Cleef: How about that? It's a Mexican standoff. Only we ain't got no Mexicans.