Teddy: This is my age. I'm in the prime of my youth and I'll only be young once.
Chris: Yeah, but you're gonna be stupid for the rest of your life.

Chris: How do you know if a Frenchman has been in your backyard?
Teddy: Hey, I'm French, alright?
Chris: Your garbage cans are knocked over and your dogs pregnant.
Teddy: Hey, I said I was French.

Vern: If I could only have one food for the rest of my life? That's easy. Cherry Pez. Cherry flavor Pez. There's no doubt about it.

Chris about Goofy: He can't be a dog. He wears a hat and drives a car.

Gordie: Fuck writing, I don't want to be a writer. It's stupid, it's a stupid waste of time.
Chris: Now that's your dad talking.
Gordie: Bullshit.
Chris: Bull true.

Gordie: Do you think I'm weird?
Chris: Definitely.
Gordie: No man, seriously. Am I weird?
Chris: Yeah, but so what? Everybody's weird.

Gordie: Shut up!
Vern, Chris, Teddy: I don't shut up, I grow up and when I look at you I throw up.
Gordie: And then your mother goes around the corner and she licks it up.
Grown Gordie: *voiceover* Finding new and preferably disgusting ways to degrade a friend's mother was always held in high regard.

Chris: You four-eyed pile of shit.
Teddy: A pile of shit has a thousand eyes.

Vern: You think Mighty Mouse could beat up Superman?
Teddy: What are you, cracked?
Vern: No I saw him on tv the other day he was holding 5 elephants in one hand.
Teddy: Boy, you don't know nothing. Mighty Mouse is a cartoon. Superman's a real guy. There's no way a cartoon could beat up a real guy.
Vern: I guess you're right. It would be a good fight though.