Spud: I ran out of stuff.
Truvy: That's why God invented the A & P.

Maline: Tommy, Jonathan don't you decorate your sisters car with condoms! It's tacky! It's like talking to a brick wall.

Truvy: There is no such thing as natural beauty.

Truvy: Oh get with it Clairee. This is the 80's. If you can accieve puburty, you can accieve a past.

Shelby: I like pink. Pink is my signature color.

Ouiser: Maline, what's wrong with you these days? Do you got a reindeer up your butt?

Ouiser: There my secret it out. I'm having an affair with a Mercedes Benz.

Annelle: Am I interuppting somethin?
Truvy: No, I'm just screaming at my husband. I can do that anytime.

Shelby: The neighborhood will be a lot more alientated if they got covered with bird shit at my reception.

Truvy: There is so much static electricity in this room I pick up everything except boys and money.

Truvy: Our son, we're so proud of him.

Shelby: Jackson please. It's bad luck to see me before the wedding.
Jackson: So you are going to marry me.

Shelby: If my dady catches you in here the question of whether or not I can carry your children will not matter. He will cut your thing off.
Jackson: Say you're going to marry me. I hate suspense.
Shelby: Ok, ok. You meet me 2 o'clock, Prespritarion church. I'll be the one with the veil in the front.
Jackson: Oh, I'm going to make you very happy.
Shelby: We'll see.

Drum: Ouiser, you like hammered shit.
Ouiser: Don't talk to me like that.
Drum: I'm sorry. You look like regular shit.

Clairee: I've just been to the dedication of the new children's park.
Truvy: Yeah, how did that go?
Clairee: Beautifully. Janice Van Meter got hit with a baseball. It was fabulous.
Truvy: Was she hurt?
Clairee: I doubt it. She got hit in the head.

Ouiser: I do not see plays, because I can nap at home for free. And I don't see movies 'cause they're trash, and they got nothin' but naked people in 'em! And I don't read books, 'cause if they're any good, they're gonna make 'em into a miniseries.

Shelby: Truvy, you know what you need in here? You need a radio, takes the pressure off of everyone feeling they have to talk so much.
Truvy: I had one once, but I threw it up against the wall when I couldn't figure out where the batteries went. I know now I was suffering from pre-menstrual syndrome.

Shelby: I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.

Annelle: That is one ugly dog. What kind of dog is that?
Clairee: If it had hair, it'd be a Saint Bernard.

Ouiser: Yes, Annelle, I pray! Well, I do! There, I said it, I hope you're satisfied.
Annelle: I suspected this all along!
Ouiser: Oh! Well don't you expect me to come to one of your churches or one of those tent-revivals with all those Bible-beaters doin' God-only-knows-what! They'd probably make me eat a live chicken!
Annelle: Not on your first visit!
Clairee: Very good, Annelle! Spoken like a true smart-ass!

Annelle: We are in the house of the Lord!
Clairee: A lot she cares. Ousier's never done a religious thing in her life.
Ouiser: Now that is not true. When I was in school, a bunch of my friends and I would dress up as nuns and go bar-hoppin'.