Haley: If you think that I'm getting on this competition floor with some stupid, watered down, cookie-cutter routine, you are seriously senile.

Burt Vickerman: You gonna be ready soon?
Haley: Yup.
Burt: You gonna hurt yourself?
Haley: Probably.
Burt: Just don't get any blood on the equipment.
Haley: Too late!

Poot: Dude, how did we not know about this sport?

Frank: I have a gut feeling something bad is going to happen. *farts*

Joanne: It's not called gym-nice-stics.

Haley: Did you see that? Can you believe it?
Poot: Yeah, are you... totally covered in soda or what?
Haley: Yeah, thanks.
Frank: I'm so pissed at that kid, dude. We were totally gonna throw drinks on you. I feel so upstaged.
Poot: I know! Who do they think they are? They think they can just hate on you like that?
Frank: It's a bloody outrage, I tell you!
Poot: They're fakers, that's what! I can't stand fake Haley-haters! WE HATE HALEY MORE, PEOPLE, SO GET IN LINE!
Haley: Will you guys shut up?
Poot: Can I be upset?
Haley: Can I go compete?
Frank: Can I eat? I'm so hungry.
Poot: Let's go get some nachos.

Joanne: What's with all the closed-captioning? I'm not mute!

Haley to Burt: Yeah, um, you've got a lot of people going to the Olympics. Just curious, what country will they be representing? The state of delusion?

Joanne: *Watching Tricia, falls asleep, snores, then jumps awake* What'd I miss?... Just kidding!

Poot: Hi, I'm Poot and this is my hetero life mate, Frank.

Joanne: Call me!
Poot: Stalk you!

Haley: Elite gymnastics is like, the navy seals, only harder. There are like 2000 navy seals, there are only like, 200 elite gymnasts. Guess that's because there's kids who's rather have a life than spend 6 hours a day training tricks that could kill you. Don't be fooled by the leotards people, the things gymnasts do make navy seals look like wusses. And we do them without a gun.

*Mina got a bad score on the vault 'cause her bra strap was showing*
Joanne to Mina: Even I think that's low. And I should be happy, I mean, I want to win!

Haley: Dalmatians are born with spots they don't earn them which is exactly my point.

Joanne: Deja jealous Haley?
Haley: Yes, I'm so jealous of Joanne that I've already memorized her preschool beam routine.
Dorrie: Hey, easy. I choreographed that routine.
Haley: *in a russian accent* Your secret is safe with me!

Joanne: So is Frank your, like, boyfriend?
Haley: Like, no.
Joanne: Is Poot?
Haley: no!
Joanne: Why not?
Haley: Eww!
Joanne: So they're, like, fair game?
Poot: *shoves Haley out of the way* I prefer the term meat, please.
Joanne: That was spastic.
Poot: Thank you. May I accompany you to the jelly beans?
Joanne: You may.

Joanne: You know boys?
Haley: Yeah, they're called friends. You should try it sometime.

Haley: I heard you were strict about diet, but this is just rude.
Burt: Hey, you piss where I eat, you don't eat.
Haley: Oh, but you do? Does this mean you're eating my piss? Cause that's disgusting.