David: Who we admire most in the world, and why? The person we admire most in the world is make-up artist and creature creator Rick Baker.
Chainsaw: His wonderfully gruesome slime bladders and slobber tubes in an American Werewolf in London won him a richly deserved Oscar. That is why we admire make-up artist and creature creator Rick Baker very, very, very, very, very, very...
David:...very, very, very, very, very...
Chainsaw:...very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very...
David:...very, very, very, very, very much. It's 100 words on the nose.
Chainsaw: You can count it if you want.

Chainsaw: You passed and I failed! You asshole! How could you do that to me?
Dave: It was an accident. I'll take it again. I can fail, I know I can.

Chainsaw: We just got lapped by an old lady in a walker.

Dave: This menstruation thing? It's a scam! Women are so lucky.

Chainsaw: Can I call my mom and tell her I won't be home... ever?

Mr. Gills: Would someone tell me what Mr. Shoop had planned for today?
Chainsaw: Group sex. No, that's tomorrow. Today is independent study. Right after our mid-morning nap.

Shoop: Please take your seats.
Chainsaw and Dave: Where should we take 'em?

Shoop: I remember you. Where ya been?
Student: Bathroom.
Shoop: Six weeks?
Student: My zipper got stuck.

Chainsaw: Fact: you know why so many drunk drivers get in wrecks? Because they don't learn how to drive drunk.
Shoop: Fact: alcohol kills brain cells. You lose one more, you're a talking monkey.

Chainsaw: There's a very valid reason for summer vacation: the human brain needs rest.

Judge Stuart R. Dryer: You were a black Marine in 1968?
Dave: Vietnam. A war puts a man through many, many changes.