Ricky Bobby: I'm going fast again!
Cal: How fast is he going?
Lucius: 26 miles per hour.

Ricky Bobby and Cal: Shake and bake!

Cal: *On the telephone* Ricky, I think your house is haunted.
Ricky Bobby: Cal, that is a new house! It just has a lot of creaks and moans and groans in it! Why the hell am I even talking to you anyway?

Ricky Bobby: If you ain't first, you're last!

Chip: Are you just going to let your sons talk to their grandfather like this?
Ricky Bobby: Hell yes I am! They are winners! That is how winners talk!
Carley: If we wanted two wussies, we would have named them Dr. Quinn and Medicine Woman!

Ricky Bobby: Dear Lord baby Jesus, we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Dominos, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to say thank you for my family. My two sons, Walker, and Texas Ranger, or TR as we call him. And of course my red hot smokin' wife Carley, who is a stone cold fox.
Cal: mmm-mmm...
Ricky Bobby: Dear tiny infant Jesus...
Carley: Hey, um... you know sweetie, Jesus did grow up. You don't always have to call him baby. It's a bit odd and off puttin' to pray to a baby.
Ricky Bobby: Well look, I like the Christmas Jesus best, and I'm sayin grace. When you say grace, you can say it to grown up Jesus, or teenage Jesus, or bearded Jesus, or whatever you want.

Ricky Bobby: From now on, it's Magic Man and El Diablo.
Cal: What does El Diablo mean?
Ricky Bobby: It's like Spanish for like a fighting chicken.

Ricky Bobby: This kinda reminds me of that Highlander movie.
Jean Girard: What? I never saw that.
Ricky Bobby: It was nominated for an academy award.
Girard: For what?
Ricky Bobby: Best movie made ever.

Susan: Ricky Bobby is not a thinker. Ricky Bobby is a driver!

Ricky Bobby: Wait, Dad. Don't you remember the time you told me "If you ain't first, you're last"?
Reese: Huh? What are you talking about, Son?
Ricky Bobby: That day at school.
Reese: Oh hell, Son, I was high that day. That doesn't make any sense at all, you can be second, third, fourth... hell you can even be fifth.
Ricky Bobby: What? I've lived my whole life by that!

Ricky Bobby: Nobody plays jazz at the Pit Stop!
Girard: Then why is the song on the jukebox?
Bartender: We use it for profiling purposes. We also have the Pet Shop Boys and Seal.

Cal: Hey, when you have the stereo and TV on, how do you change the volume on the stereo?
Ricky Bobby: Why do you have the stereo on while you're watching TV?
Cal: 'Cause I like to party.

Ricky Bobby: *giving the middle finger* Losing is never fun, but here's a little something to keep your spirits up. It's real nice, I got it at Target. It was on sale.