Gaupo's woman: Let me prepare you for the way Gaupo makes love. Tell me Carman, do you know what four play is?
Carman: No.
Gaupo's woman: Good, Neither does Gaupo.

Gaupo: What is happening around here today? Amigos falling from the sky? (Ned falls)
Gaupo's sidekick: Yes El Gaupo.

Lucky Day: Well, we're just gonna have to use our brains.
Ned Nedelander, Dusty Bottoms: Damn it!

Bartender: We don't have beer. Just tequila.
Ned Niederlander: What's tequila?
Bartender: Uh, it's like beer.

Mexican girl: Which one do you like?
Carmen: I like the one that's not so smart.
Mexican girl: Which one is that?

Rosita: I was thinking later, you could kiss me on the veranda. Dusty Bottoms: Lips would be fine.

Jefe: We have stuffed many pinatas for your birthday celebration! El Guapo: How many pinatas?
Jefe: Many pinatas, many!
El Guapo: Jefe, would you say I have a plethora of pinatas?
Jefe: Yes, El Guapo. You have a plethora.
El Guapo: Jefe, what is a plethora?

Lucky Day: Hold it El Guapo! Or I'll fill you so full of lead you'll be using your dick for a pencil!
El Guapo: WHAT do you MEAN?
Lucky Day: I don't know.

Lucky Day: I suppose you could say that everyone has an El Guapo. For some, shyness may be an El Guapo. For others, lack of education may be an El Guapo. But for us, El Guapo is a large ugly man who wants to kill us!

Ned Nederlander: This is not a town of weaklings! You can use your strengths against El Guapo. Now, what is it that this town really does well?
Townspeople: Hmmm. Hmmm? Ummm.
Mama Sanchez: We can sew!
Dusty Bottoms: There you go, you can sew.
Ned Nederlander: Ah.
Dusty Bottoms: If only we had known this sooner.