Dan: You know the first time I held you, you were wearing white and you threw up.

Roseanne: That's not funny. You're grounded till menopause.
Darlene: Mine or yours?

Roseanne: Yeah well think about it. If you were a tornado would you want to come into this house?

DJ: What's a virgin?
Darlene: You in 40 years.

Roseanne: Boy she looks consipated.
Jackie: It's all those nuts.

Roseanne: Guilt is the many splendid things.

Jackie: Live in fear David.
David: I can live with that.

Dan: What happened to Jimmy? I liked Jimmy.
Darlene: So did Becky, until he dumped her.
Becky: He didn't dump me!
Darlene: Oh give it up, you hit the ground like a safe.

Roseanne: What's the worst that can happen? So the tornado picks up our house and slams it down in a better neighborhood.